Don't waste it

Been feeling
many different
feelings
lately.

 We started something
new...

The kids go
to a babysitter
once a week
for two hours.
They have only
been with family
till now.
I felt they needed
to get used to
this new concept
to get used to
the new babysitter
and give me a chance
to simply
catch up
on MY life.

I knew Easton
would have
the harder time.
They both
are fine with
me leaving,
I go quietly.
The sitter says
they do great
have fun
play
snack
crafts, etc.

But both times now
when I come back
Easton sees me
and starts to cry
almost like
he finally realizes
what just happened.

 
Azalea, of course
is the opposite
she just looks up
and smiles
and is pretty much
ready to do
whatever is next.
She gave
new meaning to
Miss. Independent
literally
the day
she was born.

I know I know
what is two hours?!
Yes, it flies by.
Yes, it breaks my heart
to leave
to come back
to see him cry
to see them have fun
without me.

But I also felt
something new,
Mom adreniline?!
I don't know
what else to call it.

I get home
I relax for
a moment
and then
I don't want
to waste it.
I find something
to do
and
I do it.
I do it with
Mom adreniline
like a crazy lady.

Yes, because
I have two hours
but also because
they are not
with me
they are not
with family
so I will
not waste
this time.
I will use it
I will do it
I will be the best
I can be
especially since
I let them be
without me.

I feel like
when I go back to
work
when I go back to
my life
when I go back to
them
I want to be better.
I want the
sacrifices
to be for
something.

I will be
a better teacher
because I am
not with
them
and I will be
a better Mom
when I am
finally
back with
them. 

Does this
make sense...
Mom adreniline.

With it being
the end of
the year
and
the start of
a new one,
my last one
with them
home
with them
with Easton's Eye
being... well
what it is.

 
I just don't
want to
waste it.

I don't want to
waste anything
time
moments
opportunities
health
none of it.

Don't waste it!