Sunday, September 30, 2012

Mickey and Minnie

Put on your ears

 It's time for cheers


 and Azalea

are celebrating



This weekend

 our miracles

joined in

on the celebration

and a new chapter


We opened

our hearts

and our home

for family and fun

It was a Happy

2nd Birthday!

Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Force Myself

I knew
was gonna be
I don't know
if I imagined
it quite like this
or really
if I imagined
it at all
in the back
of my mind
I really just wanted
to close my eyes
and have it
be over
and in many ways
that is exactly
what just happened
in even more ways
I knew it was
more important to
Force Myself
to be present
in every moment
I could...

I was getting
Azalea dressed
about to finish
with a pair of socks
when she interrupted
and asked for
"purple socks"
and in that moment
for the first time
she knew a color
she knew a specific sock
she knew what she wanted
she knew to voice it
I had to
Force Myself
to see it
to accept it
to embrace it
to rejoice in it
my baby
turning two
on Friday
will be dressing
soon enough
and exciting
at the same time

purple socks
she wanted
purple socks
she got
and purple
sneakers too!

This theme
seems to be
spilling over
in other areas too
I have definitely
had to
Force Myself
to remember
this road
this journey of
seeing the distance
takes endurance
takes patience
takes strength

He is healing
very well
but he is sensitive
yes to touch
yes to drops
yes emotionally
and yes, as he
should be
I don't blame him
I feel him
I feel every pain
with him
and I have to
Force Myself
back into my role
as not just his mom
but his imom

I wish I could say
that after this past
it was all over
but we all know
that's not true
I wish I could say
that I have enjoyed
no contact and
no patch
for the past
6 days
but that's just
not true... iworry

I don't want
this surgery
to be for nothing
and it will be
if he doesn't
use that Eye
and he won't
use that Eye
until I patch
the other eye
therefore I will
Force Myself
back into
this journey
I will return
back to
our routine
our iroutine
part of me
is ready
part of me
is cool with it
part of me
is sad

As difficult
as any of this
my seem
the last thing
I want to do
is wish it away

This month
This week
This is
the last time
they will be
these are the moments
the only moments
I get

I may have had to
Force Myself
to love it
to live it
to see the beauty
to see the distance
but when I do
it is oh so true
to only thing
I can force
is myself

The rest will
unfold and reveal
itself in time

So I will
Force Myself
to pick up
my camera

I will
Force Myself
to write
to reflect
to remember
to record

I will
Force Myself
to stop
and smell
the flowers

I will
Force Myself
to see the distance

I will
Force Myself
to be excited
to be engaged

has been
a hard month

might always be
a hard month

They are growing up
and I will
Force Myself
to grow up
with them.

Thursday, September 20, 2012

My old Bubby

Where do I
how do I
to explain
the relief
the gratitude
the joy
the embrace
it's over

Do I start with
last night
and how
I let them take
an extra long bath
made extra bubbles
washed extra good
and literally
every second in

Do I mention
how we danced
in the living room
to Bruno Mars
just the way you are
extra loud
extra late
Daddy and his girl
Mommy and her boy
family of four
having fun as one

Maybe I mention
the anxiety
the sleepless night
the one that
I would of had
but the one that
Easton had too
he knows
he may not be able
to say it but
he knows

with a toddler
an almost two year old
late at night
mid hysterics
holding him tight
hugging his heart
humming in his ear
realizing my baby
is growing up
right there
in my arms
in the middle
of the night

And there is
nothing like
saying good bye
letting him go
handing him over
and telling him
it will be ok
you go take a nappy
you got your blanky
you go to sleepy
I will be right here
I will see you
when you
wake up

as I watched
get carried
I felt peace
I felt your
they carried him
down the hall
they surrounded him
and I could see it
literally and truly
it was beautiful

The Dr. finally
came to find us
assured us
of success
his glaucoma
is back
never left?
who knows
but we came home
with an extra drop
back to our
old routine
no big deal
but harshly realize
this is a tough
one the drops
will not always
fight and win
another worry
for another day

And ironically
as our journey
continued on
we were pleasantly
with the opportunity
to meet another
newly crowned
and I felt a full
circle moment
on a day
when I might

why must I
why must we
why must he
we got to be
the key
to a door
an ambassador
an anchor
an offer
of more
to a fellow family
now about
to walk
along our path
and if I
can guide
can be that light
than this
just might
be alright

went smooth
went fast
and soon
we were home
and greeted
with love

she missed us
him even more
no nap
no way
she would lay
Easton crib
she stood and said
confused and
quickly was
with our arrival

they know
he knew
she knew
she knew
he knew
and now
they both
and that
just makes me

this kid tho
this kid is new
one thing
I didn't realize
one thing
I didn't really
say good bye to
was my beauty
my wayward
left eye turned out
cute lil punkin face
baby boy
is gone

I mean
I knew
but I didn't
that it would be
so different
he is healing
and time
will tell
will show
the new
his new
but I already
My old Bubby

Monday, September 17, 2012


And so I
back to the blog
the reason why
I started blogging
is the reason
is the inspiration
to write
to post
the Eye
about the Eye

Life is busy
but busy good
at the end
of each day
I want to write
I want to post
but the energy
is never there

as I sit tonight
kids still awake
just put to bed
kitchen still dirty
lunches still to pack
bags still to organize
shower still to take
art lessons still to review
I feel the urge
I feel the energy
I feel the priority
I need to get it out
I need the support

I believe in energy
I believe in power
I believe in prayer
and I wouldn't ask
if I didn't believe
but it's time
time to reach out
time to take in
time to think of him

I don't mean
to make a mountain
of a mole hill
but Easton
Easton is going in
for sugery
Strabismus surgery
to be exact
this was expected
at some point
and that point
is now
is this Thursday

We had yet another
Eye apt. today
and thankfully
all is good
glaucoma is there
glaucoma is managed
continue with the drops
gonna stay with current
contact prescription
revisit possible change
and addition of bi-focals
in six months
we studied the pics
he sat, he saw, he said
vision is
this is all good

I continue to be
at his age appropriate
I continue to be
so proud

One might be

what is Strabismus
basically when the eyes
look wacky and
don't line up
they are not
being used together
Easton's vision strength
is so different
in each eye
therefore his eye
muscle strength
is so different
in each eye

He does not
fuse the vision
from both eyes
he either uses
the weak eye
when patched
or the strong eye
when not patched
the surgery will "tweek"
his eye muscle
and the hope is
to give him
the use of both eyes
to gain
more peripheral vision
and possible fusion
of both eye images
he will not see
he will never see
depth, space perception
but he will see
we hope
we pray

Please think of us
Please think of him
I know this is a
minor, routine
same day
but I have to
let him go
I have to trust
that this is right
and that everything
will be ok
I have to

I have been trying
to stay strong
I will be strong
but I believe
in the strength
of others
and I believe
in the power of
the blog
haha that sounds
so silly
but really and truly
this journey
our journey
to see the distance
has become
much clearer
much stonger
much easier
with all of you
yes yes, my fellow
but everyone else too
you know who
you all are
thank you
I have felt
your thoughts
your energy
your prayers
now more than ever


The transition
from blogging mom
to working mom
has not been easy
and while I still
struggle to find

my place

my voice

my time
one thing hasn't
my commitment
to see the distance
that I will do
that we will do

So enough
for tonight
much to still do
I will stay strong
and Easton
thanks you!

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