Sunday, June 30, 2013


We are walking
as a family
with other friends
leaving a grad party
talking and shuffling
kids moving about
adults saying good-bye
I take two steps
from the driveway
onto the sidewalk
that leads to our car
a distance away
a mEYElestone
I will never forget...

a tiny, but LOUD voice
rings in my ears
a tiny, but FIRM hand
grabs me from behind

wait I forgot my tact-jones

Easton immediately
leads me a few steps
an exact spot
the point where
the gray dusty
concrete driveway is
in the late evening sun

in absolute disbelief
I instinctively
lean down to find
a tiny round
rolled over
silicone disk
is it
could it
possibly be

I question
this moment
for a millisecond
and then begin
to float
is blurry
after this point
I remember
showing Easton
asking Easton
praising Easton
I was in shock
and overcome
with intense feelings of


sure I was relieved
sure I thought of the
what if's
he never told us
we notice later
search the car
search the house
never find it
feel discouraged
and despite
having to open
a new lens
continue looking
into the next day
just because
this is beyond
that relief

2 years and 9 months
I have dreamed of
this moment
since the first
lost contact lens
when Easton was
barely 3 months young
for the day
when he not only 
literally says...
Mom, my contact just fell out
but also
Here it is!!!

did we get

this journey
never ceases
to amaze me
any imom knows
as exhilarating as
can be
they don't come
for free
habits are formed

this moment
this feeling
is earned... this
is what will make
tomorrow's path

and speaking of
tomorrow's path
Easton's Eye journey
continues to evolve
along with his
new found awareness
of obviously his contact
he is evermore aware
of all things
Eye related
contact time

he willingly
eventually lays
that drops
and contact time
are not optional
he will sometimes be
5 steps ahead of me
and lay down
hold still, knowing
whats to come
there are those days
if he wakes grumpy
or wants to flex
his independent
oppositional toddler
but again behind all
the fuss
he knows
it's gonna still happen

the same goes
for patching
but he now knows
how to AND
that he can
simply peel off
his patch
it started
a few months ago
during nap time
he would take it off
and we would
put one back on
when he woke up
not really
an issue

as of this past week
he has fully realized
he is unreachable
in the car
along with
his shoes
his socks
his sippy
his sister's
same stuff
his glasses
and now
his patch
all removed
all whipped
into the way back
of our family SUV
and fits of
giggles follow

I try
I try really hard
not to make an issue
out of this new
toddler tantrum
which is less Eye related
and more emotional
but it is hard

again any
imom knows
on a busy day
on a bad day
that is a lot of time
that is a lot of patches
that is a lot of patience
that is a lot of persistence

on a good day
he is a busy
ever more aware
who understands
the importance
the structure of
life with the Eye
on a good day
I can actually
reason with him
I can actually
distract him
I can actually
reassure him
to keep it on
because he will
be able to
take it off

they help me
See the Distance

Thursday, June 27, 2013

Work... never ends

I feel like such a
blogger bum
(these pics are
over a month old,
Memorial Day weekend
to be exact)
I've been waiting
and waiting
for the moment
when sitting down
doesn't feel like
and that moment
hasn't arrived
even now
I am typing
on my porch
on summer vacation
with my feet up
with a cold beer
computer on my lap
and the sound
the sound of TWO
over tired toddlers
resisting a nap
needing a nap
through the monitor
I have already
enforced nap time
encouraged nap time
three times today
with no success
therefore Momma 
just needs a break
and sitting here now
feels like work
and when I get up
there will be
more work

and after all
that is what this post
is supposed to be about
the end of a school year
the end of work
ha, if it was only
that simple

obviously this year
started off challenging
but it was a new
and that was somewhat
however the end
of this year
felt even more
coming to terms
with the year
with the time
with the moments
in some ways
it felt like I
woke up
and didn't know
my own children
I was sad
I was overwhelmed
I was angry
I felt guilty
for not knowing
their likes
their dislikes
their routines
their daily life

I mean don't get me wrong
we had our mornings
we had our evenings
we had our weekends

I am their MOM
our love
our bond
is unconditional
is ever lasting
and oh so true
but by the end of Spring
they were different
they had changed
they had grown
and well sometimes 
growing can be painful
and Momma needed
time to catch up

there were times
when I made
conscious decisions
to stop
to let go
and be in the moment
to soak in
who they are
and that sounds
all well and dandy
but isn't easy to do

the pressure
the anxiety
the fear
the discipline
the work
would creep in
a day would pass
a week would pass
a month would pass
and I would realize
I did nothing
to capture
to savor
to remember
this time
this precious
fleeting time

insert shout out to

she is Momma's girl
or in her accent MawMaw's girl
she is really anyone's girl
she loves people
she loves to talk
she loves all things music
listening, playing, singing, dancing
she loves art
drawing, painting, creating anything
she loves to cuddle
especially in the morning
but really all day long
she loves to eat
any kind of meat
any kind of sugar
she is sensitive, delicate
she is smart
she is persistent to master any skill
she is caring, considerate, polite
she is feisty, sassy
she is small
but she is rock solid

he is Daddy's boy
he loves his Momma
but he is all boy
and wants to do all things Dad
he is social but shy at first
he will play with others
but also does his own thing
he loves music
but really I think
he just loves any and all noise
he loves to create sounds
he loves to act out sounds
sing and dance, attack his sister
he has an amazing memory
he makes you think
he isn't paying attention
but he IS
he loves to figure out
how things work
therefore he doesn't
have time to eat, ha
he prefers all things carbs
some veggies and sugar
he is easy going
he is physical, always
he is fearless

there are a million
moments stories memories
behind each of these
special traits
special lives
it feels like
they literally were
born this way
and nothing has changed
but it also feels like
so much has changed
the baby the toddler
moments happen
less and less often
and my little
boy and girl
are starting to shine
more and more

I remember
starting this year off
how are WE
going to get through this
but here we are
we did it
so much of this year
I want to forget
but yet this year
will forever be

I am proud
of them
and myself
I am grateful
to have a job
to love what I do
one of my biggest fears
was daycare
and that ended up
being the easiest
smoothest transistion
above all
I wanted them
to still feel loved
everyday all day
and that
that was acheieved
"Tay-Tay" as they say
holds them
near and dear
to her heart
and they know it
they feel it

this Summer will bring on
more change
more challenge
more work
I know I know
it doesn't end
a mother's job
never ends

in the middle of
a toddler tantrum
Easton will say
"can you settle me down"
today I was trying
to "settle" him down
hold him
hug him
wipe his tears
pat his back
stand sit walk rock
I was failing
in frustration I asked
what do you need
what do you want me to do
to "settle" you down
in hystarics he replies
"say Bubby it will be ok"

and with that
I realized
he was me
to hold on
to hope
that it will
be ok
I know this
is true
but sometimes
we all need 
to be reminded

Bubby, it WILL be ok!

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