Chirstmas 2012

Even though
my kids are two
technically
this is the end of
my third year
thinking like a
Momma

we found out
we were pregnant
in Feb. 2010 
so pretty much
beginning then
everything felt different
everything was different

so much of
our life
has obviously changed
and holidays
especially Christmas time
blends together
these two
contrasting worlds
of old family tradition
with new family tradition

in the most
beautiful way

Christmas Eve
has always been
spent with my Mom
the excitement
the anticipation

the wonder
the reflection... begins

my Mom surprised me
with this
inspirational gift

honestly, had this
been given
at any other time
in my life
I still would have
loved it

Rick and I
have collected
giraffes
since the beginning
of our relationship
over 10 years ago now
yikes has it been
that long

some might say
we chose the animal
others might say
the animal chose us
but then again
I could also share
that Eyes
have always been
a reoccurring theme
in my artwork
since I can remember
doodling them
in the margins
of my notebooks
back in middle school

regardless, this year
the four giraffes
mean everything
to me... symbolizing
the obvious
the ability
to see the distance
but also of

unity
family
strength
perspective
hope

I want to
hold onto
this time
I want to
bottle up
these smiles

this Christmas feeling
and spray it on me
like a never ending
scent of childhood
their childhood

Ironically another gift
given this Christmas
encourages the Art
of letting go

be in the moment
make the most
of the moment
and then let it go

the Buddha Board
paint with water
then watch
the moment
fade away
like the distant memory
of all previous
Christmas' past

this is my third
Christmas
as a Momma
to them
and as an imom
to him

I really want to say
it's not always
about the Eye
but really
without the Eye
I wouldn't have
my Eye
my perspective
my appreciation
of them

of course I would still
be so incredibly
grateful
and proud

but the depth
the journey
the low valleys and
the high peaks
have brought me
here

to this vantage point
of three
three glorious years
three glorious Christmases

I did have a moment
of panic
of anxiety
of sadness
but I decided to
practice what I preach
and I let it happen
and I let it go

I wondered
I worried
about Christmas morning

I realized
the kids were
excited
I knew if
we let them
just wake up
Christmas morning
without routine
without hesitation
the Eye and all
that comes with it
would be a challenge

so on the day
that is just a day
unlike any other day
we stuck to our
routine
because we will
see the distance
together

we did diapers
we did drops
we did contact time
we did the tree
we did the milky stuff
we did toys
we did patch

and that is ok
because that is
our life
our tradition
our Christmas

where else in the world
on Christmas day
are children
using baby bottles
as eye drops

and stickers
as patches
to play
I wouldn't have it
any other way

and just as
the holiday closes
it wouldn't be
Christmas
if we didn't spend
the evening
with my Dad

where more
family traditions
mix with merriment

and the annual
cousin coalition

still not sure
which I prefer
letting it go
or
bottling it up

all I know
is I made
the most of it
all of it
the third
the only
Christmas 2012