love.

oh to blog

or not to blog

that is the question

of course the answer 

is always

I want to blog

but life

that list of priorities

seems to get in the way

and maybe 

just maybe 

a small percent 

is me avoiding

how to move on

after my last post

 

I have to admitt
it felt good
to just let it out
but then the feelings
all things EYE
lingered
left my heart
heavy
the worry
the fear
the unknown
surfaced
stayed
until I was able
to really box it
back up
and put it away
for another day
when this journey
rattles my soul, again
and out it will pop
like a jack-in-the-box
do I really have to
state that I hate
that toy

is it crazy
of me to say
that my mom/teacher self
actually went all the way
to think that on
day one
week one
of kindergarten
I want to bring in
a box of patches
for the whole class
to educate
to experience
to express empathy
towards Easton's Eye

I honestly jumped
that far ahead
and maybe a little
over the edge
but its that fear
that I will do anything
protective
proactive
instinctive
feeling of fear
that keeps me up
and holds me down
all at the same time

but then I saw
him
and I saw
her
fearless
free
and it inspired
me

to just keep going
to just keep loving
to allow them
to continue
to make their own path
to find their own way
and when they get lost
and when they get hurt
I will be there
my love will be here
I will be their
safe place
to fall
to feel

I don't need to have
all the answers
I don't need to know
what the future holds
all I do know is
my love is fierce
my love is a force
and my love
is really all
I have 
all that they
really need

so enough of
all that
let's get to
the good stuff
the sweet stuff
like cupcakes

on a random Saturday

the weekend before

Valentine's Day

I mean really
why not
try all three

tasted good... see!

this would be
them playing house
outside

after 18 inches of snow
in a 24 hour period

thank you
snow storm Nemo

she had fun

he had fun

they had fun
snow is simply
fun
especially when you decide
to face plant and swim
on your stomach in it

lots of new
indoor activity
as well
jumping over
jumping on
anything

jumping together

running

racing

reading

and lastly

a lil holiday
crafting
 

obviously EYE love
this Valentine idea

they both
enjoyed "signing"
their Valentines
with a pen

Happy Valentines Day
after all is said
and done
hope you are left
feeling nothing but
love.

a glimpse

I think
every mom wants
a glimpse
into our child's
future
wondering
hoping
praying
for perfection
pure happiness
and any
and all
attempts
are made
to protect them
from anything less

I know I can't
keep my children
in a bubble
I know they will
get hurt
sure physically
bumps bruises
scratches scrapes
broken arms!!!
but emotionally
oh emotionally
the saying
sticks and stones
may break my bones
but names will
never hurt me
well that's just crap

I rarely blog
about school/work
I've made a
conscious decision
to keep it separate
from my personal
yet public
emotional story
well... the two worlds
collided today
and I need to
purge

this week was
the start of
a new semester
at school/work
and for me
the art teacher
who teaches
20 week courses
I got to meet
200 new faces
and began to be
a part of
200 new stories
in my attempt
to identify my students
with IEP's 504's
or any other
necessary medical info.
I discovered
I have 3 female students
who have a recorded
EYE related concern
amblyopia
strabismus
extreme vision correction
realistically
there are probably more
but these 3 lovely ladies
have parents who
want it to be known
bravo to them

so naturally
being the sensitive
imom/teacher
I approach the girls
individually
discretely
and begin to swap
EYE stories
as a way to connect
as a way to reach out
as a way to get
a glimpse
 
oh boy
let me tell you
imom love
is fierce
first of all
I think she
could feel it
secondly
I think she
could trust it
and thirdly
she is now
under my wing
imomma bird
done put
baby ibird
right in the nest

a 6th grader
and how ironic
for my instagram
followers
I posted my very own
6th grade school pic
last night
it seriously
must be fate

she proceeds
to tell me
she wore a patch
in school
from K-4th grade
says it was hard
the kids were rough
teased her
picked on her
only saw the patch

my first punch
straight to the gut
immediately
EYE wanna cry
literally
yes for her
yes for Easton
yes for all children
who don't deserve it
who are more than
what people only see
on the outside
but I don't
she is strong
she is rock solid
telling her story
like a solider
like an old soul

she proceeds
to tell me
even now
they still continue
call her "captain"
as in captain of
a pirate ship

my second punch
straight to the gut
immediately
EYE wanna scream
who
where are they
let me find them
let me see who
is captain now
but I don't
I tread carefully
consciously
slow steady 
build trust
encourage safety

does that hurt 
your feelings
do they know
it hurts
your feelings
have you asked
them to stop
have you shared
this with anyone
does mom know
can I talk to them
can I tell your
school counselor
can I help you

she agrees and
her stone cold face
her rock solid wall
begins to open
her light from within
begins to shine
and I can see
the sparkle in her
EYES

oh dear god
I have a class to teach
we are 15 minutes
into class
on the second day
and my heart is racing
blood is pumping
through my body
so quickly that
my body is shaking
EYE wanna cry
EYE wanna scream
EYE wanna hug
EYE wanna help
EYE wanna hope
EYE can make
a difference

the bell rings
the students leave
I have a 40 minute
free period
and a gazillion loose ends
to tie up on a Friday
I walk
out the door
down the hall
straight to the
school counselor
chanting
with every step
don't cry
don't cry
be brave
be brave
this is not
about you
this is not
about you

I get to her office
I knock on the door
she says, you look like
your gonna cry?!
I take one step
through the door
bend over
put my hands in my face
and fall apart
poor woman has no clue
I just got
a glimpse

EYE wanna

EYE wanna
as in
Easton can now say
I wanna hide
I wanna run away
I wanna don't like it
I wanna don't like the patch
when it comes to
all things EYE



at the beginning of the day
EYE wanna... drop
EYE wanna... contact
EYE wanna... patch
at the end of the day
EYE wanna... patch
EYE wanna... contact
EYE wanna... drop

EYE wanna
is now the phrase
of 2013
and frankly
EYE wanna don't like
much of it either
that is the EYE
and 2013



we have been sick
we all
have been sick
literally with
cold and flu season
and with the EYE
and just when
I was beginning to think
the winter blues
were going to get
the best of me
EYE found a reason
to continue to
see the distance



Easton has pretty much
had an EYE apt.
every six weeks lately
volleying between
vision treatment and
glaucoma treatment and
keeping in mind
we are saying farewell
to our original PO
next month

in my attempt
to begin to transition
from our glaucoma PO
to him becoming
our permanent PO
I simply stated my
parent perspective of
EYE wanna
the absolute best
possible vision for my son
EYE will do
whatever it takes



his reply was
increase patching
very well then
and 6 weeks ago
we went from
6 hours a day to 8

 

fast forward to today
with Easton's
EYE wanna attitude
and my
EYE wanna attempts
we went in feeling
deflated
and honestly somewhat
depressed
but never the less
ready to ride this
roller coaster

Easton sat on my lap
patched
contact in
fresh off a nap
a car ride snack
and some snuggles
from the waiting room
we reviewed the
EYE chart pics
started large 20/400
total cooperation
total comprehension
started getting smaller 20/100
soft encouragement
and smaller 20/80
astonishing excitement
and smaller 20/50
tears
tears brewing
pride burning

for the first time
ever
his PHPV
abnormal
cataract removal
contact lens wearing
with glaucoma
EYE
is seeing
20/50
absolutely amazing



shocked
surprised
our PO attributes
90% of the success
to the parents
patching



it's working
we're winning
don't give up
keep going

this is just
what EYE needed
to see
to hear
to feel
to know
right now
2013
bring it



as much as
EYE wanna don't like it
I realize
EYE just want
hope
I need to know
this effort
my effort
matters
is making a difference



and so much so
this re-active PO
now wants to be
pro-active
with reassurance
that his vision gaining
EYE
with sleeping glaucoma
does in fact have
a healthy optic nerve

 

insert fast moving
roller coaster
ride the high wave
and take a dip turn
to the hospital
for an EUA
exam under anesthesia

yup, you heard that one
he is doing so well
that we now want to be
extra sure
extra careful
that glaucoma doesn't
win
therefore Easton will have
an EUA within
the next few weeks
date to be determined

 

oh this journey
I just don't know
how to describe it

 

EYE wanna don't like it
EYE wanna don't like the patch
EYE wanna run away
EYE wanna hide
and
EYE wanna hope

Priorities

The end
of the year
always has me
asking myself
what was I able
to cross off
the list

and more importantly
what do I need
to add to
the list

you know
that never ending
list
the list of life
whether it is
the literal to-do's
or more of a
motivational mind game

sadly somethings
just simply
stay on
the list
leaving them there
year after year
knowing one day
they will have
their day

so what does
get in the way

Priorities

yes, the bill box
hasn't been filed
in over two months

yes, the kitchen floor
needs a good wash
and the sink is full of
daily dirty dishes

yes, I still haven't
put the photos
from last Christmas
in the photo album

and yes, dare I
even think about
trying to organize
the basement

BUT it snowed
the first real good
snow of the season
and I caught
Nelly licking snowflakes
that one I can
cross off
the list

sometimes
you have time

sometimes
you have to make time

and sometimes
you have to just
stop worrying
about time

and live... Priorities

I have always
set goals in life
I have always
used my planner
literally
ever since I was
handed a new one
on the first day of
6th grade

I remember it
clearly
the adult feeling
a new feeling of
seeing an entire
academic year
blank, just waiting
to be filled
with real to-do's
and the end
oh the end
of a year filled in
looking back at
all the pages
all the days
all the accomplishments
crossed off

let's just say
I've been hooked
ever since
I'm a plan it
kinda girl
I see it
I write it
I do it...
most of the time  ;)

But raising these two
this Mom thing...
well Azalea already
has my Spring 2013
agenda filled in
dark black
swirling twirling
scribbles
according to her
I'm all booked up

and in many ways
she's so right
life doesn't have to
be all about
the list

really and truly
it's what you choose
to do with
each moment

Priorities

they come first
in every way
they come first

the list
means nothing when
the choice
the priority
is them

this year
I've learned
to let go
of the list
the list of life
is best lived
when you simply
know your
Priorities

Cheers
to a grand 2013
a year waiting
to be filled with
Priorities