a bigger plan

It keeps happening
I have posts
in mind
and then
life
happens...

I uploaded
these pics
this morning

I planned to
sit and write
while the kids
napped.

Here I am.

But somewhere
in the middle
of then
and now...

there was a
death
in my family.

And now
I want to write
but
everything
is different.

Everything
is raw
again.

Wounds
I was going to
tell you
I stitched
my wounds
last night
ironically
in my husband's
Easton baseball glove.

And how
symbolic
it seemed to me
that I am
responsible
for my own
healing.

All of this is
so true
but right now
I don't feel
stitched
I don't feel
healed
I feel like
my wound
is back open
and much
deeper.

There was
so much more
that I was going
to relate
to our story
to Easton's story
and it just
doesn't matter
anymore.

It matters
but it's
different.
I have my
babies
I have them
today
and that really
is all that
matters.

Azalea
the picture
of the
Azalea...

I was going to
write about
so much more
but now
all I see is
even if parts
of the picture
aren't in focus
it doesn't matter

what matters
is what's right
in front of me
I know
the rest is
there
and it will
become
more clear
when the time
is right.

I have faith
that there is
a bigger plan
a better plan
it is not
in focus
right now
but when
the time is
right
it will become
clear
and we all
will be
a part
of it.

Ah ba desh ka...  May your spirit soar to the peace you were looking for.  Love you forever.