Twins

I never imagined having 2!
Not when I was little.
Not when I was dreaming.
Not when I was at an Infertility clinic.
Not ever.

When I was little...
I did have dolls but they were never twins.
I did play house but not even really for the kids.
I played house for the husband.
Ha!  Isn't that funny!?
I remember silly things like making him dinner.

The only time I ever remember playing with twins
was when I played the board game, Life.
I remember sometimes you could add twins to your car.
All it was though was just 2 plastic pegs.
I would stick 2 tiny, same colored pegs in the tiny toy car
and that was it!
On our marry way we went in the game of Life.
Oh if it were only that simple!

Whenever I dreamed of having children
it was one at a time!
I would think about the pregnancy.
And the delivery.
And bringing home one bundle of joy.
And at some point maybe deciding to have more.

Even at the Infertility clinic.
At this point, my step-sister had already had a set of identical girls.
I mean really how many sets of twins does one family have!
I wasn't even getting pregnant.
How could I have twins?

What are the chances.
20%
There was a 20% chance.
I thought for sure I would be in the 80%.
And that was IF I could get pregnant.

Then we found out.
We were pregnant AND...
What's that the sono nurse just said?
This MIGHT be a second sack.
I will have to see what the Dr. thinks, she tells us.
At this point we are literally looking at a tiny black spot.
Among millions of other tiny black spots.
But only the "sacks" were perfectly round.
I had a big one and MAYBE a little one.

So am I having twins?
The Dr. calls it Vanishing Twin.
Oh honey, he says.
You are so early in your pregnancy.
This might be something BUT
considering it's size it probably will just...
just what?
stop developing and become absorbed.
It happens often, he says.
But most women usually don't even know.

So there we have it.
We walk out of the office.
Sonos in hand.
Happy, very happy!
And wondering, wishing, wanting?
Scared.
Absorbed, he said.
When?
Am I having twins?
Am I not having twins?
They told us most likely not.
But we'll have to wait and see.

Week after week.
Sono after sono.
Baby B grows.
Behind?
Smaller?
Baby B has a heart beat!
Really!?
Does this mean I am having twins?
Well...
We'll just have to wait and see, they say.

So I truly never imagined having twins.
I really didn't even let myself believe that I was pregnant.
I mean I know I was pregnant.
I even knew there was 2!
I did all the things that pregnant people do.
I registered for 2 of everything.

But I also had a wall.
A wall that I was hoping I wouldn't have to use.
But it was there.
There to protect me just in case.
There to keep me from fully believing.
There to keep me from fully enjoying.

Three days before I delivered.
I was in a wedding.
Waddling around, trying to dance.
When I realized...
I am pregnant.
I am far enough.
If I go into labor now.
Baby A AND baby B have a really good chance.
It was then that I imagined having twins.
And gee right in time.
Three days later
I was a new mom of twins.