My boy
I love you
so much
beyond what words
can express.
You are fearless.
You are full.
You are endless.
You are endearing.
You can do this.
There are so many days
when you make it
look easy.
But I know
you know
that there is a
harsh
cold
reality
to the days
that arn't easy.
Every morning
Every moment
starts
and ends
with
the eye.
The eye
that can see
that is covered up
that wears a sticker
that bends your eyelashes down
that irritates
that itches
that rips your skin when removed,
that eye
is precious.
The eye
that can't see
that is pulled open
that is poked
that is rubbed
that is wearing a contact
that is learning
that is growing,
that eye
is seeing.
I am sorry.
I am so sorry.
That you have to
endure.
I am sorry.
I am so sorry.
That nothing about this
is easy.
I am sorry.
I am so sorry.
That your vision
comes with a price.
But Baby.
My sweet
loving
lauging
little boy,
Mommy loves
you.
I love you
so much
that I will do this
for you.
I will continue
to wake up
everyday
and do this
for you.
Strength
Endurance
Easton,
Mommy is doing
the best she can.
I am trying.
I am sorry, baby.
I love you.
And when we have
bad days
you have to know this,
I do this
because
I love you.
Someday
we will look back
and I pray
all this is worth it.
Because you deserve
a chance
at the very least
you deserve
a chance
to have the best
possible
vision.
I love you.
I am so proud
of you.
Keep seeing the distance baby.
See the Distance.
Thanks a lot for making me cry Amanda!! Nice post. Some days are hard. This week we have had a break. We lost our contact. Sigh.
ReplyDeleteIf it makes you feel better, Easton will barely remember these days...if at all. The last time I was at the Eye Clinic I was talking to a mom whose daughter was there with PHPV as well....looked like a 10 year old. Mom cried when she talked about patching. The 10 year old said she didn't even remember. It's all perspective. This is all harder for us!
I am totally stealing this post & changing it to Dear Anderson. How did you capture ALL of my thoughts from this weekend?? God, it is so hard. SO frustrating. It is starting to breed so much jealousy and resentment in me because of how "easy" it must be to have a toddler without an eye patch. I never can understand why people are complaining. What do you have to complain about, I want to scream! Other moms worry about driving long distances because their kid might cry. Wow. Yes, that's annoying, but NOTHING to those of use who have to count those minutes, hours against our "patching time". I want to explain that all of the frustrating parts of toddlers are nothing if they exist in isolation. Add an eyepatch to the tantrums, the insistence on their independence, the business...but, I know it is perspective and you don't know how easy you have it unless it changes. I'm lucky. I got 11 months of normal, or easy, as I call it! And, you are doing it with a contact and 2 babies!! You are AWESOME!! Seriously. Your blog entries are such therapy to me. I was so frustrated this weekend because it just seems so never ending. Then, I thought, how lucky are we that we get a chance to show our sons how much we love them? Most moms just say," I would do anything for you." We get to prove that actions speak louder than words. And, we get to prove our love, which has to count for something. But, it is still so hard. This comment is entirely too long...
ReplyDeleteHello.. That letter was absolutely beautiful and so true. You did capture everyone's thoughts who are fighting with an eye patch. I agree with Melissa (being the mom of twins) patching with twins has to be so hard. But he will be so thankful. Noni
ReplyDeleteThis is beautiful! You are awesome. He will thank you later. I am sure.... At least that is what I have to think.
ReplyDeleteWell written--- and oh so true for us all!
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your beautiful poem! It's evident that you've given strength to many families who need it. We've heard several stories similar to yours, and just wanted to reach out to let you know we're rooting for you! May each day bring you renewed strength and brighter tomorrows. From all of us at ClearVision Optical Company!
ReplyDeleteI think I need to steal that letter for my Julia as well. We've had a rough week with health, but an easy "eye" week as she got pink eye and can't wear her contact. You are an amazing writer and seem to capture emotions so beautifully. My daughter is 3 1/2 months, phpv/cataract in right eye.
ReplyDeleteThank you, I'm glad my emotions and words can speak to others... it means I am not alone in this. I hope your daughter is feeling better, just a lil peanut she still is! This journey is not easy but it does get better, all the best to you!
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