Saturday, March 29, 2014

Hair's to Nya

I thought writing
this post
would be easy
I thought writing
this post
would be fun
and don't get
me wrong
it's not that
this post
is the opposite
it's just that
this post
is everything
I never expected
...and isn't that
the lesson here
life, in a way
is everything
never expected

one thing
that stands out
for me is
walking this journey
along side
my loved ones
pales in comparison
to living it
one can only
imagine
what life
would be like
if...

and the reality is
to see cancer
from a front row
perspective
to witness
the life change
the transformation
of a spirited, innocent child
to a weathered, wounded warrior
it ignites fire
a fierce force
from within
and fuels intentions
actions
of love
of hope


I've walked the hallways
of Roswell's 6 North
enough times now
arts and crafts in tow
ready to keep a smile
on our Nya Noodle's
beautiful face
and this time
the last time
knowing my hair
my locks of love
were mine
for a limited time

our baby girl
lay quietly in bed
say lady...
I brought some fun
do you feel up for
drawing... nothing
stickers... nothing
hey! Aunt Amanda
wore her hair down
you want to brush it
for the very last time
she picks her head up
she smiles
we get comfortable
and hair brushing it is

what is it
about hair
that girls
of all ages
are attracted to
we love it
we obsess over it
we play with it
we style it
we cut it
we grow it
we compliment it
hair
just one
of the many many
physical traits
that reveals
what we look like
but has nothing
to do with
more importantly
who we are



I will admit
I think we all
can admit
that even though
we may think of
ourselves as beautiful
whether it be
on the inside
or even on the outside
when we think
our hair looks good
we actually
feel... beautiful
why is that



when it came to
the day, March 11th
there were a lot
of emotions
yes, there were
some nerves
some excitement
but I was surprised
by the anger
by the sadness
something about the day
hit me with a dose
of reality
of cancer
of a child
who I love
who didn't
have a choice
and that
just hurt

and then
I felt that flame
the heat of love
the light of hope
all the intentions
all the actions
of others
supporting
lifting
this little girl
her family
and me
this was simply
meant to be
so I took
a deep breath
inhale
exhale
change
grow
Hair's to Nya



what comes next
again... never expected
relief
rebirth


rebuild
reaction



over 13 inches
gone
given
to another girl
to help her
feel... beautiful


that made me
feel beautiful


the kids
my kids
what will they think
what will they say
Easton
you look like me Mommy
Azalea
you look beautiful Mommy
Me
really, you like it
Azalea
it's still just you Mommy
and with that
words of wisdom
from a 3 year old
it's just hair people
it's still just me


and would ya know
hair... 13 inches of hair
me... my fire
my fierce force
my courage created
over $2,500
of love and hope
for this beautiful
beautiful girl
Hair's to Nya


overwhelming
overflowing
to this day
well after March 11th
the love and support
the funds are still
pouring in
I truly never expected
an experience
such as this
it's indescribable
to fully express
the gratitude
that encompasses
each and every
kind gesture
to simply and appropriately
define it... it's
BEAUTIFUL

Thank you!!!
Keep Smiling

4 comments:

  1. "It's still just you." Maybe the sweetest thing I have ever heard.

    This post is perfectly written to capture this experience, this emotion, this overwhelming experience that you are living. I had to read it a few times (and tear up each time) to try to soak it all in and I know that I won't be able to because each time my mind, my heart, jumps to something different.-both of you smiling in the bed, your before and after pic, Nya with your hair, the 13 inches going to make someone beautiful, your hand checking out your new do, Nya brushing your hair....it is all so much.

    You are awesome and an inspiration and the epitome of courage and love. As an aunt, I hope that I could be half as amazing as you are if faced with a similar situation. I would use you for inspiration!

    Also, you look beautiful! I LOVE your new look and it fits perfectly.

    Love and hugs to you and your family. Thank you for sharing your journey with us. XOXOXOXO

    ReplyDelete
  2. Beautiful. You are beautiful inside and out. The love you have just oozes from this post. I can feel it in every word you have written. I can't write anything else for fear of taking away from the spirit of this post. Sending love, prayers and thoughts to your beautiful Nya.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Dear Amanda,
    I think of you, Easton and Azalea often and wanted to say hello. It is always emotional for me to read about your family, especially so this time. My prayers are with Nya and all of you. How is Easton? I love that he is still wearing his patch. I did my first cataract surgery in Orlando and thought about Easton practically all day! He will always be a special patient for me. I tried to post here once (even created a new google account so it will let me!) but somehow it didn't work. Hopefully this one goes through! I am at airaj.fasiuddin@nemours.org.
    Best wishes to you and your beautiful family -- Dr F.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What a wonderful surprise and touching, thoughtful comment! Thank you Dr. F I appreciate your time and kind words. I just shared an update with you about Easton at your email address. :)

      Delete

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...