Valentine's DAY

Infertility

a word

I never 

would have imagined

pairing with

Valentine's DAY

but there's always

a first for everything

and this is 

my story

or rather 

my artwork.

a symbol
a prayer
a hope
a wish
to conceive
a life.

I painted this
somewhere
in the middle
of our struggle
to get pregnant.

At the time
it felt
so revealing
to be so open
with such a
deep sorrow
deep yearning
for something
I had so clear
a vision of
yet it was
so far
from my reach.

If I had to put
myself
somewhere
in the painting
when I painted it
I would have been
in the dark hole
between
the finger and
the thumb.

Wanting to be
the seed
that grew
the life
from the love
of
my husband
and I.

Little did I know
then
looking at
this artwork
now
I painted
my reality.

Two little souls
made from love
on of all days
Valentine's DAY
the Eye
the beauty
the balance
the strength
the endurance
the patience
the peace
the love.

We woke
that morning
Valentine's DAY
knowing
headed
to the clinic
for the umteenth time
like so many
times before
failed.

Why today
of all days
can we not
just be
just enjoy
each other.
But when
nature
and
medicine
called
we answered.

So there I was
on Valentine's DAY
laying half naked
on a cold table
with a paper sheet
and my husband
in a chair
holding my hand
looking into my eyes
hoping
praying
wishing
wanting
this to be the day
different from
all other days.

Romantic
not really
no warm fire
no bearskin rug
no sweet embrace
no love...
making
for that matter.

Heartbreaking
really
that day
and all
the other days
when you
lay there
and realize
that your baby
our baby
was not
made from love...
well
the physical kind.

I struggled
with that
just that
knowing
wanting
my child
to be made
from love.

But I realize
now
that my children
were
most definitely
absolutely
made from love
the kind
that transcends
the physical
and rises to
the spiritual.

Something more
greater
was with us
that day
2 years ago
today
Valentine's DAY

Cupid
blessed us
twice!

Valentine's DAY
forever
a celebration of
Love
and Life!