10 Months ago today

Really?!  10 Months!
Why does that feel so old?
I was cool with 9 months, but 10!
That's double digits!!
That's a full term pregnancy.

It brings me back to the beginning.
I can't believe how far we've come.
It was a Tuesday, bi-weekly appointment.
Take the B elevators to the Fetal Testing Unit.
I had my bags packed and in the car.
They had been packed for weeks earlier actually.
I wasn't thinking it would be the day.
I didn't want it to be the day.
I was ready but NOT ready.
It was still September, due date Nov. 9.
My goal was to make it to October.
I thought for sure the Dr. would want me to keep going.

Baby B, my precious petunia was running out of fluids.
She failed her fetal movement test too.
The Dr. had her eye on her at the last apt.
She didn't improve and if anything she got worse.
It was time.
We went as far as we could go.
We wanted to give Baby A, my big bubba as much time as we could.
But she needed to come out and he was coming with her.
Ready or not.

Right after the appointment they scheduled a tour of the NICU for us.
I knew this all was going to happen, the NICU.
But now it was real.
Now I was staring at little babies in enclosed cribs.
Some of them were awake and alone.
I started to cry.
I thought I was just nervous.
But really I knew.
I knew that my babies were eventually going to be them.
I knew eventually they would be awake and alone.

Easton John, 5 lbs. 13 oz  He had the most amazingly, soft and beautiful skin!

Azalea Jayne, 2 lbs. 12 oz. Her entire arm was the size of her Daddy's finger!

Now today they may be awake and without me.
But they are NOT awake and alone.
They stand on the sides of their cribs facing each other and the games begin.
Sometimes it's laughing and giggling that I hear.
Sometimes it's conversation noises.
Sometimes it's banging on the rails back and forth.
And then my favorite 2 little monkeys jumping on their beds.

I suppose they are making up for lost time.
Six weeks worth of  post-delivery separation.
That was the hardest.
Knowing that they had just spent 34 weeks together.
To only go through the trauma of birth and then not be near one another.
No touching.
No snuggling.

No nothing.

First snuggly photo shot together... 6 weeks later.

10 months later, they do everything together but snuggle!

The days of trying to fill in the car seat for safety.

Those days are long gone.

Last night Azalea wasn't feeling good.
I went in and changed her diaper.
She would have gone back to sleep on her own.
She does that.
She is extremely independent.
I think it comes from her days in the NICU.
Easton we could hold.
He loves being held to this day.
She was only allowed 1 hour a day, kangaroo style (skin to skin).
I call it incubator-itis.
Well last night I picked her up and rocked her.
She let me.
She snuggled right in and fell asleep before I even got comfortable.
We rocked longer than normal.
I wanted to savor the last of 9 months and 29 days.
I took a mental picture.
I smelled her hair.
I made my body like a statue and tried to remember the shape.
How she felt, how little she still was.

Sometimes when you look back at the distance you've traveled,
it makes seeing today sweeter
and seeing the distance of tomorrow more exciting.
There are so many challenges still ahead
but I can't believe how many challenges we've already come through.