my GRANDparents

Before I had children
a close friend once described
her children, a boy and girl
as her heart and soul
and at the time
I thought it sounded
so profound
so insightful
so meaningful
but now that I have
a boy and a girl
now... I get it
 

he is my heart
 

she is my soul

neither is better
than the other
both essential
both unique
both belong to me
both are of me




on this journey, life
with Easton's Eye
I have lead with
my heart open
and
my soul strong
and while that perspective
has certainly got us
very far
it certainly hasn't been
easy



I have good news
great news, really
but at the same time
it all just gets to be
too much sometimes
this journey is long
this journey is rough
this journey is worth
every effort
with all my
heart and soul



I went into
the last Eye apt.
with our original PO
heavy hearted
but grateful
I knew it was
the end of a chapter
and I was feeling
hopeful about
the beginning of
the next chapter
yet to come



ironically, it even felt
as if it was meant to be
when we were asked
to wait 30 min. for dialation
and a fellow imom and
one of our infamous
#camopatchkids
were sitting right there
in the waiting room
I mean really
if that is not a sign
of how far we have come
I don't know what else is

his Eye pressure tested fair
nerve looked good
Easton was a terrible
two year old toddler
during the eye chart exam
I know he knew the pics
but he shouted out
the same answer for
every. single. test.
and we got no where
with confirming
his vision
whatever... next time



then she checked
his prescriptions
at this point
we were 2 hours deep
into the office visit
I was already late for work
and we haven't even begun
to bid farewell
she tells me his vision
has improved
from a +9 to a +5
WOW
she proceeds to explain how
he potentially
given his new prescriptions
could be successful
wearing just glasses
and NO contact
wait a minute
WHAT
I'm happy
I'm confused
I'm emotional
I had a million questions
and still had to say
good bye

she continues
to write 2 new scripts
one for just bi-focals
and one for a contact
with a bi-focal
and explains
that our new PO
will make the final call
tomorrow
after the results
of the EUA

my head is spinning
my heart is aching
my soul is leaping
my eyes shed a few tears
my body gives her a hug
and we are out the door



driving home
really to Easton's daycare
and then straight to work
I am baffled
I am in utter disbelief
it felt like I had won
a million dollars
but I was afraid to
spend the money
as if the money
really didn't belong to me
in some strange way
I wanted to give
the money back
and say no thank you
we already have
all that we need

that night
that night before
the EUA
I remember
laying Easton
down to bed
smelling his hair
feeling the weight
of his body
kissing his smooth
slightly chilly cheek
good night
details
every detail
was important
just because

 

eventually I fell asleep
and I had a dream
a strong real spiritual dream
call me crazy
but I believe
that the spirits of thoes
who have passed on
can visit us if we are open
to the ways in which
they reach us
this stuff does NOT happen a lot
but when it does
I am open to it
well of all the nights to dream
that night
my Grandma and my Grandpa
came to me
each gave me a hug
and not just any hug
only the kind
that they would give

I had to bend down
to hug my Grandma
she was shorter than I
she was so soft
and for the lack of a better word
squishy, I loved it
hugging her was like
hugging a fluffy cloud

and my Grandpa
he was tall
and solid
and broad
he engulfed you
in his love
and made you feel
protected
like you were hugging a rock
but in a good way
a stable, I got you kid
kind of way
 

well... his hug musta
put me right over
the emotional edge
in my dream
I started sobbing
like the uncontrollable
please hold me up
or I will fall into
a million little pieces
kind of release
there was no conversation
just a simple understanding
a long embrace
a warm glow in his eyes
a soft smile on his face
when we let each other go
I was content

the next morning
I remembered
everything
and more
all the memories
all the lessons learned
all the love
from them both
I felt their spirits
I felt their support
I felt their strength
I knew no matter what
everything
was going to be 
ok



so the EUA
did go smoothly
Easton was a champ
new PO confirmed
elevated pressure
in his Eye
however the nerve
looks healthy
continue to manage glaucoma
with current drop routine

all other examinations went well
given Easton's abnormal structure
overall the Eye looks healthy
even though I knew the answer
I did ask about future
potential for an IOL
after all he is essentially
a second opinion
and he confirmed
it is not recommended
Easton's Eye lacks
the structure and space
to safely anchor the IOL
 

and then... the decision
contact or glasses
I knew from the moment
the conversation shifted
he did not support
the glasses only
and like I was trying
to explain
in a very weird way
neither did I

I am still so happy
we reached this goal
that glasses only
is even an option
but I signed up
to follow through
with what is best
for my son
and if the contact
is working
and works for us
his perspective
the better
but harder path is
continue with
the contact
at a new prescription
with the addition of bi-focals
and keep patching
8 hours a day
 

I'm still tyring 
to sort through
the mix of emotions
that the end of
this chapter
and the beginning of
the next
has brought on
however, I am
confident
we are headed
in the right direction
and I am
committed
to this journey
and above all
I am content
with our progress.
 

GRANDparents are the BEST!