another MEGA stone

Ok so you might
have noticed
Easton broke his arm
yes on the 2 year
megastone
of the Eye
and yes, there is
a story

but first
there was more
to the day

than just the arm

I think it's important
to just state
how incredibly
freaking awesome
it is to be
an imom
some of us
keep in "insta"touch
on Instagram
and on a collaborative whim
we somehow managed
to create
#camopatchkids
Sundays
which basically translates
into wearing either
camo or pink camo patches
on Sundays
and posting a pic
on Instagram

<insert pics
that I posted
but somehow manage
to be computer illiterate
enough NOT to know
how to get said pics
from said phone
to said computer
arghhhh>

Special shout out to Missy at Visionisagift for emailing me a screenshot!

obviously this started
this Sunday
ironically on the 2 yr.
megastone
of Easton's Eye
and I just think
we are awesome
and that is awesome
to go from having 
a child with
an incredibly rare
birth defect
to gaining a
cyber community of
super supportive
super amazing
ifamilies
to share this
journey with
Life with Easton's Eye

... amazing!
it made our
megastone
that much more
MEGA
thank you
imoms

Ok so yeah
the arm
I honestly
don't know how
to begin
where to begin
what to begin with
it all just happened
so fast
my brain
my heart
my body
everything
all of it
all at once
wants to remember
wants to forget
wants to heal

as I imagine
Easton in his
2 years young way
wants the same

traumatic
it was absolutely
one of the most
traumatic
experiences
of my life
to the point where
when it happened
I literally watched
in real time
in slow motion
I knew
what was happening
what was about to
happen
and I couldn't do
anything
to stop it
I remember
every detail
obsessively
to the point where
I still shudder
several times
throughout the day
seeing the events
continue to
replay and unfold
in my mind
in my heart
in my body

guilt
a whole nother level
of guilt
and I stayed
so strong
throughout
the entire event
until the very end
when all was calm
when all was quiet
when adults were left
to hug good night
and my mom
walking out the door
says, Amanda
it's not your fault
and the flood gates
opened
guilt
I've been here
before
this nasty place
this cold harsh
real
reality
that shit happens
regret
what if
if only
but shit happens
and Easton fell
he fell off the bed
just like he has
fallen a million times
but this time
this one time
he fell
the wrong way

so we try

to stop

and notice

the good

in the middle
of the madness

we are healing
we hit
another MEGA stone
but most definitely
one that will NOT
stop us
from loving
from living
from moving

forward

and with that
I say
I shudder
good night.