the key

Hard to believe
this was them
last year

August 2011

So many things
have changed
yet so many things
still remain
the same

August 2012

2011 - no shoes
couldn't walk yet
2012 - wearing shoes!
and very worn in

2011 - hats
would keep them on!
2012 - no hats
but now I do their hair
well brush his, do hers

2011 - sunscreen
contact, patch
2012 - sunscreen
contact, patch

2011 - diaper bag
blanket, toys
2012 - diaper bag
blanket, toys

I could sit and list
forever
but mostly
what is different
is the feeling

2011 - I was pushing them
for the first time
into a year of just us
2012 - I am pushing them
for the last time
out of our time as
just us

2011 - Pride
excitement, adventure
2012 - Pride
excitement, adventure
and a wee bit of
sadness

So we took
the long way
savoring
every step
every sight
every sound
and found a new
entrance

I wanted to make
it special
discover
something new
create
a memory

little do I know
if I just let go
they will do that
all on their
own

duh mom
when you find
a door
you open it
and when you can't
you find
the key

opportunity
creativity
adventure
courage

when one door closes
you open the next

did I teach them that
or did they teach me

Oh this is so hard
so very bittersweet

they are so very
grown up
they are so very
little

I know I know
I'm in limbo
how many times
how many ways
can you say
the same thing
with the same
feelings

but this is
where we are

this is where
I am

running and running

in circles
waiting
wanting
time
to stand
still

but it won't
and they
won't

they will go
they will grow
their separate
ways

they will meet
somewhere in
"thyme"

and move again

and dance
some more

and I will
stand back
and watch
them
soar

that is the key
the key
to the door
the key
to my heart
is them
they push me
they keep me
strong
they will show me
the way

I just have to
step back
and wait
and see

they are me

they are the key

one last
fun story
as we pulled in
our driveway
and began to unpack
the stroller
from our adventure
someone left me
the key
literally
the long stone
put it in with
all our stuff
surprise
here you go
Momma
you bet I still
have it
and will
forever...

It only gets better

As I sit here
tonight
finally
a few thoughts
scribbled
on a scrap paper
with extra scribbles
from my assistant
Azalea
who likes to sit
at Mommy's desk
and be just like
who else
Mommy

Many things
this week
have started
like my thoughts
and my closet
that I have
attempted to clean
and organize
for work
but much remains
unfinished
at the moment
I am surrounded
by mountains of clothes
pile to keep
pile to put away
pile to give away
pile to go through
pile to wash
pile I'm not sure about
yes, that's a lot of piles
yes, I have a lot of
thoughts
things to do

Tis the season of
change
gone are the days
of slowly soaking in
the blossoms of Summer
Fall has fallen
upon us
swept in
this weekend
with it's cool air
changing colors
and fast moving pace

don't blink
don't sit
it's all moving
changing
growing
his head is officially
above the counter top
he points and says
choo choo
circle wheels
heart tractor
ABC, CCAB

we've been wearing
our warmer jammies
the same ones
from early Spring
he immediately says
bike
something he wasn't
noticing
or even saying
back then

language
thought process
memory
everyday
is something new
more
we also pulled out
some warmer
closed toe shoes
she probably sat
and figured them out
for at least
15 min

she does that, this
goes into her own
individual world
entertained
focused
learning

the shoes
are for more than
just fashion and season
they are for safety
nothing says
grow up now
more than a gigantic
new swing set
in our own
backyard

I mean... really
who is this girl

they love it
they climb
they swing
they sing
they laugh

It's not new
It's new to them
I love actually
that it's used
it has a story
of a little girl
who turned 5 and
on Easter Sunday
it arrived
she wore it in
she grew into it
she grew out of it
and when the boys
arrived to take it
she and her friend
had one last hurrah
took a picture
and said good bye

And now
there's a new
Queen of the castle

and her royal subjects
are here
to keep her company
crackers
blankets
brothers
mothers
let's just say
it hasn't taken long
for them
to wear it in
 

I can't help
but try
to capture
this time
that is fleeting by
in the blink of
an Eye
they too
will grow into
and out of
this

I was reminded
this week
as this past
weekend
brought about
so much change
that
it only gets better

as difficult as
it is
to say good bye
to yet another
year
time
with them

I have faith
that life
family grows
in an onward
and upward
direction
roots are strong
roots are good
 

but the spirit
must be
set free

space to soar

room to grow

as much as
I love them
little
I love them
big

I love them
growing
changing
soaring

I do believe
it only gets better.