iWorry

I worry
iWorry
arn't they really
the same thing
I mom
iMom
being a mom
means you worry
period

But I suppose
an iMom's
iWorry
is just on
a different level
not above
not below
just different

I haven't really posted
an Eye related post
in a while and
in many ways
that is good
but it doesn't mean
we haven't dealt
with Eye related
issues
concerns
worries

Honestly, we have
Eye related stuff
happen daily
sometimes hourly
but the drama
of it all
has lessened
and life with
Easton's Eye
has started to just
become
our life

We had yet another
Eye appointment
we are currently seeing
two PO's
our original PO
for his vision restoration
and the glaucoma specialist PO
for his glaucoma
right now we are seeing
each PO every 12 weeks
with means we are
in an office
seeing someone
every 6 weeks
it's working
remember
we're winning
I'm not complaining

Sooo we just saw
the glaucoma guy
and good news
he is happy
with his optic nerve
so happy
we dropped
a drop
had 2 different ones
now down to just
a drop in AM
a drop in PM

while this is good
it just makes me
iWorry
the drops were
working
taking them away
yes, very slowly
makes me wonder
worry
is he doing well
because of them
or because he doesn't
need them
either way
we shall see

on another note
of course
the glaucoma guy
is a regular PO as well
so he has opinions
suggestions
for our original PO
who we will see
in 6 weeks
on the table is
possible prescription change

from a contact
that allows Easton
to see definition up close
to a contact
that will allow Easton
to see details far way
with this change
would come the addition
of bi-focals
yes, glasses
yes, all day
so he could see both
far away with the contact
and
up close with the glasses

this change is not
anything I didn't already
know would happen
just wasn't expecting it
so soon
originally this was
something for him
when he would go
to school
see the chalkboard, etc.
but since
he IS seeing
which means yes
he is doing
BETTER
than expected
the glaucoma guy
thinks
why wait
let him see better
let him see more
now

another suggestion
on the table for our
original PO in 6 weeks is
possible surgery for
straightening his Eye
this has a name
I am forgetting it
but essentially
when Easton is
not patching
both of his eyes
do not work together
do not line up
in some children
patching
fixes this
but because his vision
is SO different
in each eye
just patching
will never fix this

Again, this is nothing
I didn't already know
Again, this is something
we would have done
eventually
before he goes to school
more for cosmetic reasons
but the glaucoma guy
thinks why wait
Easton's vision
is developing
Easton would benefit
from the procedure

Sooo
iWorry
Sooo
iWonder
what will happen
in 6 weeks time
a lot to think about
a lot of waiting
any surgery
is a risk
not just of
reoccurring glaucoma
but of
anything
any problem
any risk
of handing my baby
over to them
yes, professionals
but they are people too
they are human
we are all
human

And with any
and every appointment
it just all
becomes
so very real
once again
once again
I am reminded
that Easton
was born with
his Eye
and that
this journey
is just beginning
and the end
is still so very
far away
still so very
unknown
and I am left
with more
iWorry

iWorry about
what he sees
iWorry about
what he won't see
iWorry about
how he sees
iWorry about
when we will see

It's all just
so very hard
sometimes
to See the Distance
literally
figuratively
emotionally
reflectively
it's hard

Easton's vocabulary
is expanding
he knows
the meaning of
on and off
and when I put
his patch on
he touches it
and says off
it just
breaks my heart
it all just
breaks my heart
My son's vision
is poor
he does not see
what I see
he will never see
what I see
My son needs
a contact
and glasses
just to see
kinda better
My son has to
wear a patch
everyday
for a very long time
and it all just
breaks my heart

The other day
it just dawned on me
that his entire
childhood
is from behind
a patch
a patch
that he wants off
a patch that anyone
would want off
but I have to tell him
later
I will take the patch
off... later
when it's 4:30
when he's 8 years old
it all just
sucks
it's all just
really hard
sometimes

We were at
the playground
the other day
and kids are
curious
some stare
some point
some ask
some tell
their parents
and then they
stare point and ask
and
iWorry
that we are almost
there
where Easton
will know
will say
will ask
himself

how will
I respond
what will
I say
to him
when his heart
feels broken
like mine does
sometimes
iWorry

What I do know
is that we will
See the Distance
one step
one patch
one worry
at a time
together
We are in this
together
forever
See the Distance