Priorities

The end
of the year
always has me
asking myself
what was I able
to cross off
the list

and more importantly
what do I need
to add to
the list

you know
that never ending
list
the list of life
whether it is
the literal to-do's
or more of a
motivational mind game

sadly somethings
just simply
stay on
the list
leaving them there
year after year
knowing one day
they will have
their day

so what does
get in the way

Priorities

yes, the bill box
hasn't been filed
in over two months

yes, the kitchen floor
needs a good wash
and the sink is full of
daily dirty dishes

yes, I still haven't
put the photos
from last Christmas
in the photo album

and yes, dare I
even think about
trying to organize
the basement

BUT it snowed
the first real good
snow of the season
and I caught
Nelly licking snowflakes
that one I can
cross off
the list

sometimes
you have time

sometimes
you have to make time

and sometimes
you have to just
stop worrying
about time

and live... Priorities

I have always
set goals in life
I have always
used my planner
literally
ever since I was
handed a new one
on the first day of
6th grade

I remember it
clearly
the adult feeling
a new feeling of
seeing an entire
academic year
blank, just waiting
to be filled
with real to-do's
and the end
oh the end
of a year filled in
looking back at
all the pages
all the days
all the accomplishments
crossed off

let's just say
I've been hooked
ever since
I'm a plan it
kinda girl
I see it
I write it
I do it...
most of the time  ;)

But raising these two
this Mom thing...
well Azalea already
has my Spring 2013
agenda filled in
dark black
swirling twirling
scribbles
according to her
I'm all booked up

and in many ways
she's so right
life doesn't have to
be all about
the list

really and truly
it's what you choose
to do with
each moment

Priorities

they come first
in every way
they come first

the list
means nothing when
the choice
the priority
is them

this year
I've learned
to let go
of the list
the list of life
is best lived
when you simply
know your
Priorities

Cheers
to a grand 2013
a year waiting
to be filled with
Priorities

Chirstmas 2012

Even though
my kids are two
technically
this is the end of
my third year
thinking like a
Momma

we found out
we were pregnant
in Feb. 2010 
so pretty much
beginning then
everything felt different
everything was different

so much of
our life
has obviously changed
and holidays
especially Christmas time
blends together
these two
contrasting worlds
of old family tradition
with new family tradition

in the most
beautiful way

Christmas Eve
has always been
spent with my Mom
the excitement
the anticipation

the wonder
the reflection... begins

my Mom surprised me
with this
inspirational gift

honestly, had this
been given
at any other time
in my life
I still would have
loved it

Rick and I
have collected
giraffes
since the beginning
of our relationship
over 10 years ago now
yikes has it been
that long

some might say
we chose the animal
others might say
the animal chose us
but then again
I could also share
that Eyes
have always been
a reoccurring theme
in my artwork
since I can remember
doodling them
in the margins
of my notebooks
back in middle school

regardless, this year
the four giraffes
mean everything
to me... symbolizing
the obvious
the ability
to see the distance
but also of

unity
family
strength
perspective
hope

I want to
hold onto
this time
I want to
bottle up
these smiles

this Christmas feeling
and spray it on me
like a never ending
scent of childhood
their childhood

Ironically another gift
given this Christmas
encourages the Art
of letting go

be in the moment
make the most
of the moment
and then let it go

the Buddha Board
paint with water
then watch
the moment
fade away
like the distant memory
of all previous
Christmas' past

this is my third
Christmas
as a Momma
to them
and as an imom
to him

I really want to say
it's not always
about the Eye
but really
without the Eye
I wouldn't have
my Eye
my perspective
my appreciation
of them

of course I would still
be so incredibly
grateful
and proud

but the depth
the journey
the low valleys and
the high peaks
have brought me
here

to this vantage point
of three
three glorious years
three glorious Christmases

I did have a moment
of panic
of anxiety
of sadness
but I decided to
practice what I preach
and I let it happen
and I let it go

I wondered
I worried
about Christmas morning

I realized
the kids were
excited
I knew if
we let them
just wake up
Christmas morning
without routine
without hesitation
the Eye and all
that comes with it
would be a challenge

so on the day
that is just a day
unlike any other day
we stuck to our
routine
because we will
see the distance
together

we did diapers
we did drops
we did contact time
we did the tree
we did the milky stuff
we did toys
we did patch

and that is ok
because that is
our life
our tradition
our Christmas

where else in the world
on Christmas day
are children
using baby bottles
as eye drops

and stickers
as patches
to play
I wouldn't have it
any other way

and just as
the holiday closes
it wouldn't be
Christmas
if we didn't spend
the evening
with my Dad

where more
family traditions
mix with merriment

and the annual
cousin coalition

still not sure
which I prefer
letting it go
or
bottling it up

all I know
is I made
the most of it
all of it
the third
the only
Christmas 2012

Santa take TWO

We decided
to go see Santa
kinda last minute
on a week night
during the dinner hour
asking ourselves
when else will
our schedule allow
when else will
the weather be nice
when else will
well... why not

so with a quick
change of clothes
brush of hair
and dinner barely
digested
we headed out 

to the North Pole
of course

this year
was different
even waiting in line
was different
yes, I had
the two year old
who wouldn't
stand still
stay close
and who
started screaming
if I tried to wrangle
him back towards
standing in line

Santa managed
to maneuver
his magic
but they really
weren't enchanted
and unless you like
wide eyed and dazed
get me off
this man's lap faces
this was my best
merry moment

she was really
wanting no part
of anything
so this small exchange
was a big gift
and all the way home
she asked to go back
to Santa's house

And so we

move on

to more moments

that fill our days

and capture

the spirit

(they are actually
"fighting"
in this next pic
when they get
really mad
with each other
they laugh
hystarically
must be a
twin thing?!)

the holEYEday spirit

Santa take TWO

went better
was warmer
and even ended
with hugs
with that I say
they now say

HO HO HO
Merry Christmas!

Hol EYE days!

I just started
to blog
and then I stopped
got up and went
to crack open
an ice cold beer
took a sip
set it down
and started over



insert second sip here
what am I looking for
honesty
reality
truth



buckle your seat belts
we are going for
a wild ride
ha, not exactly
really in the big picture
things are status quo
but if I am being honest
 

I drove home today
from where else
another Eye Dr. apt.
not in full blown hysterics
but with a pit
a nasty well known knot
in my stomach
and tears
brimming
swelling
burning
on the edges of
my eyes
and in my heart



wondering why
yes, exactly
wondering why
happy tears
sad tears
grateful tears
mad tears
relieved tears
fearful tears
or how about
all of the above

She just stole it and ran...

let's start with
something easy
Azalea

She is anything and everything but easy!

a year ago
the PO checked her eyes
normal for premies
like her
she showed some
minor concerns
so Doc wanted her back
in a year... today
she was a pro
so proud to be brave
just like her brother
cooperative
calm
both eyes healthy
both eyes normal
girlfriend tested
20/30 in both eyes
relief
of course I played
the what if game
so so glad
we just dodged
that bullet
huge relief




beer gone
just went and
got another
think what you want
keepin it real

My bare faced boy.

ok so the story
you are probably
waiting for
Easton and the Eye
ummm where do I
begin
just begin
with good news
for the first time
with his good eye
glasses on
Easton tested 20/30
yes, I just said that
he will read
he will drive
his good eye works
more relief

My totally handsome boy.

so the vision
in his bad eye
is stable
is developing
due to lack of
patience
cooperation
he only tested
20/150
in the past he has been
20/80
PO is not concerned
he tolerates patching
so continue patching
no binocular vision
probably won't ever
use two eyes
simultaneously

prescriptions stay
the same
not bad
not new
fair enough

My pre-patch boy.

so glaucoma
oh glaucoma
to have
or not to have
that would be
the question

here is where
I just took another
sip of beer

let's just drop
the bomb already
our beloved PO
is leaving the practice

stare at the screen
sip more beer

to put it mildly
her perspective
is proactive
when dealing with
Easton's glaucoma
stay on top of it
beat it down with drops
keep glaucoma away
have I mentioned
I really like her
or that I am really
going to miss her
if I haven't
I will by the end
of this post

our new default PO
the glaucoma specialist PO
is more reactive
in other words
we are now following
his plan of
Easton does not
show signs of
nerve damage
therefore Easton
does not have glaucoma
we will treat it
when we see it
therefore
Easton is decreasing
his drop treatment
to ultimately go off drops
until there is damage

let me be clear
I respect his opinion
I will comply with his
recommendations
he is qualified
he is trusted
but
he is not
our beloved PO

so today when
Easton's pressure
was elevated
and he showed signs
of slight nerve damage
we did nothing
we will see
the specialist next week

we will only get to see
our beloved PO
one more time
in the spring
before she relocates
to Florida
and I will say
I would have drove
across 3 states
to stay with her
if I could have
but Florida
is a bit too far  :(

she just cares
beyond her expertise
and knowledge
and professionalism
she just cares

we could be
her first
her tenth
her one hundredth case
in a day
or ever
and she makes us feel
like her only

There is my happy baby boy!

in a profession
about eyes
her eyes
say it all
warmth
kindness
compassion

with a diagnosis
that is unpredictable
and realistically
a long hard tough journey
especially on the parents
she gives us hope



when she tells me
it will be ok
I believe her
and that is all
I need to hear
that is all
I have to say...
 

wondering why
tears
wondering why
 

Cheers
second beer is gone
Happy Hol EYE days!

"Oh come on... silly Buddy!" says Easton.  He's hanging from the ceiling fan.