blink

in the blink

 of an Eye

 in the blink

of my heart

Eye can sink

further and further

straight into

my soul

in the blink

of my mind

Eye think

don't blink

stop and savor

embrace

engage

every moment

fleeting moments

in the blink

that is what

Eye think

Momma, I can't see.

Life currently
feels literally like
a current
driven
direct
fluid
endless
and yet somewhere
mixed among
the monotonous moments
are monumental milestones
that interrupt the flow
and all of the sudden
the predictable path
feels... different.

Our mornings are
familiar and fast
wake
feed the dog
make coffee
wash face
pour coffee
get dressed
drink coffee
make up and hair
organize stuff
wake the kids
pick out outfits
sing You Are My Sunshine
while rocking and snuggling
whoever is up or both
diapers and drops
read a book in cribs
while I wash my hands
get his contact stuff ready
still swaddle his arms
kiss his forhead
lately he requests
"sound effects"
to me opening
his Eye
we listen for the
crunch
of the contact
close his Eye
he can "blink it" on
or I might have to
wiggle it on
again more sounds
maybe even rub out
an air bubble
on a good day
we are clapping
in less than 30 seconds
on a bad day
he still cries
squeezes his Eye shut
and we arn't clapping
until the 30th attempt
either way
we get through it
and the current
continues

out of the bedroom
down the hall
put contact stuff away
get milky stuff out
pick out a patch
apply "the cream"
around his Eye
sometimes on her too
let it dry
get out sippy cups of milk
eat a banana
dry cereal
watch Disney Jr.
put on the patch
while distracted
press and hold
count to 10
get his glasses
brush her hair
barrette her bangs
pour more coffee to go
shoes keys bags
kisses and hugs
out the door

times may vary
slightly
but I am in the car
and driving away
by 7:10
15 min ride to work
hall duty begins
students arrive by 7:30
why all the details
ohhh at about
7:05 on Tuesday morn
our monotonous morning
became a milestone moment
in an instant
he grabs her sippy
I say here Bubby
this one is yours
he wants hers
she now wants hers
she takes it
he wrestles her for it
I intervene
she wins
he's mad at her feet
annoying her
I walk away to get
his patch
he starts screaming
tears equal no patch
for the moment
I go in to comfort
ask what happened
she kicked me
where, in the face
ask her what happened
I kicked him, in the face
he is more mad
than actually hurt
I ask her to say sorry
she does
he is still screaming
get him to calm down
say you are sorry again
so that he hears you
all is well
sipping said sippies
go get the patch
put it on
go get the glasses
go to put them on...

in the tiniest
truest
most honest
little voice
clear as day
light as a feather
I hear

Momma, I can't see.

his words hit me
slowly
they feel like
a sheet of glass
shattering
scattering
to the floor

instantly
yet in slow motion
my eyes peer through
his glasses
to his Eye
the only Eye visible
I knew
without knowing
his contact was gone
take his glasses off
bring him to the
morning light
patched
tell him to look
confirmation
of what I already knew
immediately
remove his patch
and instinctively stick it
on the back of
my hand

hug him
HUG him
tell him it's ok
I'm sorry
you are right
you can not see
if your contact
falls out
and your patch
is on
I'm sorry baby
I am so
proud
I am sooo proud of
you
you told Momma
and now Momma
can help you
see again
it's ok Easton
Mommy loves you
sooo much
good boy
here
here are your glasses
you wanna sit back
on the couch
with your sippy

go get a flashlight
shine it on the floor
right where said
kick in the face
occurred
bling never looked
sooo freakin good
found it
rolled over itself
three dog hairs
hangin off it
go get contact case
drop it in the stuff
grab my work stuff
and go
go
gotta go

get in the car
I'm late
I'm changed
I breath in
I exhale
I feel... different

monotonous
moment
monumental
milestone

the patch
the patch
that he was wearing
the patch
that he wasn't wearing
the patch
that I was still wearing
the patch
that I was now wearing
the patch
that I wore all day

I didn't
I couldn't
take it off
he can't
take it off
his words
his voice
continued
to ring
through me
to me
to my
core
Momma, I can't see.

it hurt
those words
cut me
deep
they openned
wounds
that I thought
were healed
he's right
he can't see
but he is also
so dead wrong
because
because
he can't see
means
HE CAN SEE
and so
I wore it
I patched
because
he patches

it was sticky
it was on my skin
it moved
when I moved
it peeled
and I pressed it
back on
my heart ached
and I kept going
people asked
adults
students
stories were shared
answers were given
light bulbs went on
paint was poured
emails were sent
hands were washed
I patched

I have worn the patch
before
on my clothes
on my face
but not like this
on clothes it doesn't
really count
and honestly
I would never last
with it on my face
8 hours daily
for 8 years
unbelieveable
with it over MY eye
I can't even last
8 minutes
seriously
I panic
I get a head ache
I take it off
I give in
but this time
was different
I wore it
yes, I know
on my hand
but in my mind
in my heart
I patched
and it packed
a punch
patching SUCKS
but patching
works

Patching truly
simply
is Easton's life
it is all he knows
and he wears it
like a champ
like a warrior
accepting of
the battle
willing to fight
the good fight
and on any other day
patching really
goes unnoticed
well, not really
but it is just part of
the routine
the current
but every
now and then
he grows a little more
aware
and I become a little more
aware
of just how
proud
I really am
to imom
this ikid
Eye would NOT
have it
any other way
Eye know
Eye can
flow with this
current.

follow up

And so I return
I've attempted to
write this post
several times
with multiple themes
but nothing really
compelled me
and now here I sit
sick and stuffed up
on the couch
kids just in bed
hubby out the door
to play poker
the dog at my feet
and I'm left with
time
time to think
time to reflect
time to follow up

 

where to begin
hummm
how about with
confesssions
I confess
these pics are over
a week old
I confess
I haven't picked up
my camera since
I confess
I have been busy
I have been sick
I have been lazy
I have been uninspired
I confess
sometimes I need
a break
over Spring break
I did nothing
I confess
I had time to do
something
and I chose to do
nothing
and in doing so
I feel I did do
something
I gave myself
a break
and I confess
it felt good



and honestly
going back to work
was a little rough
on all of us
we adjusted to
doing nothing
quite well
and in the beginning
of this past week
much of our routine
felt... forced
for example
I finally made an
Eye apt. for
of all people, myself
for a while now
I have noticed
a discolored spot
on my eye
and since it
didn't hurt
didn't change
didn't effect my vision
I've ignored it
 

this seems so strange
to say, as an imom
I have never had
a formal eye exam
of course my general Dr.
has performed the basics
to determine overall
eye health and vision
but I actually now have
my own Opthamologist
and pun intended
it was an Eye opening
experience, ha



first of all, I know
way too much about
eyes and exams
secondly, it still stings
to share Easton's story
especially to people
who truly get it
thirdly, I was brave
only because
Easton has showed me
how to be

 

a real eye exam
is intense
and I already knew that
but now I really know it
of all body parts, Eyes
Eyes are sensitive
Eyes are awkward
Eyes are everything
and now Eye
have that much more
understanding
compassion
empathy
for Easton
and each and every single
ikid
who are warriors
battling every day
for a chance
at better vision

 

I will never again take
one single glance or
one stunning scene
for granted
as a fellow imom
titled her blog
Vision is a Gift
and Amen to that

 

yes, my eyes are healthy
it was determined
I have an age spot
of all places, on my eye
most likely brought on
by the hormonal changes
from my pregnancy
sounds like good news to me
I'll wear it proudly  ;)
follow up in a year

 

and speaking of
follow up
let's follow up
with Easton
his 6 weeks post EUA
follow up was also
this past week
are you noticing a
theme here...
 

the Eye apt. itself
was actually pretty
dare I say, easy
Easton's vision
tested well
he was fairly cooperative
we were satisfied
we just got all new
scripts 6 weeks ago
so continue patching
8 hours a day
based on the EUA
new PO agrees
glaucoma is present
continue to manage it
with current drop
in the AM and PM
 

here's where the theme
hits home, the follow up
follow up in... wait for it
6 MONTHS
what, seriously?!
the longest we have
ever ever gone
between Eye apts. 
was 3 months
like way back in the day
before glaucoma
really came and camped out
so of course
I asked a few questions
and he gave me
fair answers
with confidence
so slowly
very slowly
I let myself
believe him
trust him

his perspective
his practice
is different
than what I know
than what I am used to
but that doesn't mean
its wrong
so 6 months
will come
and 6 months
will go
and then we will
follow up
 

in the meantime
we will continue
we will carry on
my lil warrior and I
my family of giraffes
busy seeing the distance
we have finally
caught a break
found a plateau
a chance to grow
 

how's that
for a post about
following up 

I'm PREGNANT

Besides the obvious

pregnant
can also mean

teeming with ideas

full of imagination

rich in potential

and that I am!

Ha Ha April fools!
did I get ya?!
what made me think
to announce such
a statement... these

three years ago
we were decorating
Easter egg cookies
to reveal
to celebrate
with our family
that we were
in fact, finally
pregnant

and what a memory
we created
each year now
all I can think of
is remember when...

it was such a
momentous significant
(also other definitions
of pregnant)
"pregnant" occasion
on Easter Sunday
the holiday of faith
belief in new
everlasting life... our life
we create
Our Life

An Easter Sunday craft we did after brunch at Grandma's house.

hence, I'm pregnant
always...

our holiday
started with a visit
from Papa
on Saturday

this year it was special
to see him
since he has recently
made a permanent move
back to NY from FL
welcome home Papa

Easter morning

started out sleepy

but once we did
diapers drops contact
we were down the hall
and searching

for baskets

and eggs

and toys

you might be noticing
along with the traditions
of Easter
the progression of
the patch routine
blends right into
our day
our life
always

my handsome
handsome man

fun, quick side note
currently we are out of camo
and camo trumps all patchs
on a Sunday, any Sunday
#camopatchkids on Instagram
but second choice was
simply a blue patch
to match his blue outfit
but later I realized
it was a fish, blue patch
and how symbolic
that he rock a fish patch
on Easter Sunday  :)

I love this next pic
for many many reasons
but really I love that
she is sitting in
MY highchair
of course, my mom
still has it!

they were so excited
about all things Easter
this year
such a fun age
for holiday traditions

our first attempt
at a family photo
the best of
several shots

I might have purposely dressed the whole family in blue, but I am NOT admitting it.

see what I mean
I have lots of pics
like this

their favorite spot
at Grandma's house
the window bench

the weather was fair

not very warm

but not too cold

it didn't matter though

I'm not thinking 

about the weather 

when I photograph

this sweet Azalea

in full bloom

these boots will never
get old, for me

we found a little
spring flower
sporting Easter colors

then it was off to
Nannu and Nanne's
annual Easter egg hunt

this year's attempt
at a cousin photo
someone did not want
to participate
I don't think I need to
mention any names

I try and try

to get just one
picture of them

both... looking, smiling
but that is too much
to ask for

second attempt
at a happy family photo
again... the best of several

how rock star
does my Dad look here
the kids just adore
this man

Easton thinks he is
reaching high heaven
with his tree branch
best part is
this photo comes
with a variety of
sound effects as well

we missed sitting on
the Easter Bunny's lap
well, missed might not
be the right word
if we didn't even attempt
but either way
Nannu made up for it

and finally
(I know long post
of a million pics, sorry)
after 8 long hours
of photographing
our Easter Sunday
the patch came off
and I just couldn't
resist... remember

I'm PREGNANT