Momma, I can't see.

Life currently
feels literally like
a current
driven
direct
fluid
endless
and yet somewhere
mixed among
the monotonous moments
are monumental milestones
that interrupt the flow
and all of the sudden
the predictable path
feels... different.

Our mornings are
familiar and fast
wake
feed the dog
make coffee
wash face
pour coffee
get dressed
drink coffee
make up and hair
organize stuff
wake the kids
pick out outfits
sing You Are My Sunshine
while rocking and snuggling
whoever is up or both
diapers and drops
read a book in cribs
while I wash my hands
get his contact stuff ready
still swaddle his arms
kiss his forhead
lately he requests
"sound effects"
to me opening
his Eye
we listen for the
crunch
of the contact
close his Eye
he can "blink it" on
or I might have to
wiggle it on
again more sounds
maybe even rub out
an air bubble
on a good day
we are clapping
in less than 30 seconds
on a bad day
he still cries
squeezes his Eye shut
and we arn't clapping
until the 30th attempt
either way
we get through it
and the current
continues

out of the bedroom
down the hall
put contact stuff away
get milky stuff out
pick out a patch
apply "the cream"
around his Eye
sometimes on her too
let it dry
get out sippy cups of milk
eat a banana
dry cereal
watch Disney Jr.
put on the patch
while distracted
press and hold
count to 10
get his glasses
brush her hair
barrette her bangs
pour more coffee to go
shoes keys bags
kisses and hugs
out the door

times may vary
slightly
but I am in the car
and driving away
by 7:10
15 min ride to work
hall duty begins
students arrive by 7:30
why all the details
ohhh at about
7:05 on Tuesday morn
our monotonous morning
became a milestone moment
in an instant
he grabs her sippy
I say here Bubby
this one is yours
he wants hers
she now wants hers
she takes it
he wrestles her for it
I intervene
she wins
he's mad at her feet
annoying her
I walk away to get
his patch
he starts screaming
tears equal no patch
for the moment
I go in to comfort
ask what happened
she kicked me
where, in the face
ask her what happened
I kicked him, in the face
he is more mad
than actually hurt
I ask her to say sorry
she does
he is still screaming
get him to calm down
say you are sorry again
so that he hears you
all is well
sipping said sippies
go get the patch
put it on
go get the glasses
go to put them on...

in the tiniest
truest
most honest
little voice
clear as day
light as a feather
I hear

Momma, I can't see.

his words hit me
slowly
they feel like
a sheet of glass
shattering
scattering
to the floor

instantly
yet in slow motion
my eyes peer through
his glasses
to his Eye
the only Eye visible
I knew
without knowing
his contact was gone
take his glasses off
bring him to the
morning light
patched
tell him to look
confirmation
of what I already knew
immediately
remove his patch
and instinctively stick it
on the back of
my hand

hug him
HUG him
tell him it's ok
I'm sorry
you are right
you can not see
if your contact
falls out
and your patch
is on
I'm sorry baby
I am so
proud
I am sooo proud of
you
you told Momma
and now Momma
can help you
see again
it's ok Easton
Mommy loves you
sooo much
good boy
here
here are your glasses
you wanna sit back
on the couch
with your sippy

go get a flashlight
shine it on the floor
right where said
kick in the face
occurred
bling never looked
sooo freakin good
found it
rolled over itself
three dog hairs
hangin off it
go get contact case
drop it in the stuff
grab my work stuff
and go
go
gotta go

get in the car
I'm late
I'm changed
I breath in
I exhale
I feel... different

monotonous
moment
monumental
milestone

the patch
the patch
that he was wearing
the patch
that he wasn't wearing
the patch
that I was still wearing
the patch
that I was now wearing
the patch
that I wore all day

I didn't
I couldn't
take it off
he can't
take it off
his words
his voice
continued
to ring
through me
to me
to my
core
Momma, I can't see.

it hurt
those words
cut me
deep
they openned
wounds
that I thought
were healed
he's right
he can't see
but he is also
so dead wrong
because
because
he can't see
means
HE CAN SEE
and so
I wore it
I patched
because
he patches

it was sticky
it was on my skin
it moved
when I moved
it peeled
and I pressed it
back on
my heart ached
and I kept going
people asked
adults
students
stories were shared
answers were given
light bulbs went on
paint was poured
emails were sent
hands were washed
I patched

I have worn the patch
before
on my clothes
on my face
but not like this
on clothes it doesn't
really count
and honestly
I would never last
with it on my face
8 hours daily
for 8 years
unbelieveable
with it over MY eye
I can't even last
8 minutes
seriously
I panic
I get a head ache
I take it off
I give in
but this time
was different
I wore it
yes, I know
on my hand
but in my mind
in my heart
I patched
and it packed
a punch
patching SUCKS
but patching
works

Patching truly
simply
is Easton's life
it is all he knows
and he wears it
like a champ
like a warrior
accepting of
the battle
willing to fight
the good fight
and on any other day
patching really
goes unnoticed
well, not really
but it is just part of
the routine
the current
but every
now and then
he grows a little more
aware
and I become a little more
aware
of just how
proud
I really am
to imom
this ikid
Eye would NOT
have it
any other way
Eye know
Eye can
flow with this
current.