I think
every mom wants
a glimpse
into our child's
future
wondering
hoping
praying
for perfection
pure happiness
and any
and all
attempts
are made
to protect them
from anything less
I know I can't
keep my children
in a bubble
I know they will
get hurt
sure physically
bumps bruises
scratches scrapes
broken arms!!!
but emotionally
oh emotionally
the saying
sticks and stones
may break my bones
but names will
never hurt me
well that's just crap
I rarely blog
about school/work
I've made a
conscious decision
to keep it separate
from my personal
yet public
emotional story
well... the two worlds
collided today
and I need to
purge
this week was
the start of
a new semester
at school/work
and for me
the art teacher
who teaches
20 week courses
I got to meet
200 new faces
and began to be
a part of
200 new stories
in my attempt
to identify my students
with IEP's 504's
or any other
necessary medical info.
I discovered
I have 3 female students
who have a recorded
EYE related concern
amblyopia
strabismus
extreme vision correction
realistically
there are probably more
but these 3 lovely ladies
have parents who
want it to be known
bravo to them
so naturally
being the sensitive
imom/teacher
I approach the girls
individually
discretely
and begin to swap
EYE stories
as a way to connect
as a way to reach out
as a way to get
a glimpse
oh boy
let me tell you
imom love
is fierce
first of all
I think she
could feel it
secondly
I think she
could trust it
and thirdly
she is now
under my wing
imomma bird
done put
baby ibird
right in the nest
a 6th grader
and how ironic
for my instagram
followers
I posted my very own
6th grade school pic
last night
it seriously
must be fate
she proceeds
to tell me
she wore a patch
in school
from K-4th grade
says it was hard
the kids were rough
teased her
picked on her
only saw the patch
my first punch
straight to the gut
immediately
EYE wanna cry
literally
yes for her
yes for Easton
yes for all children
who don't deserve it
who are more than
what people only see
on the outside
but I don't
she is strong
she is rock solid
telling her story
like a solider
like an old soul
she proceeds
to tell me
even now
they still continue
call her "captain"
as in captain of
a pirate ship
my second punch
straight to the gut
immediately
EYE wanna scream
who
where are they
let me find them
let me see who
is captain now
but I don't
I tread carefully
consciously
slow steady
build trust
encourage safety
does that hurt
your feelings
do they know
it hurts
your feelings
have you asked
them to stop
have you shared
this with anyone
does mom know
can I talk to them
can I tell your
school counselor
can I help you
she agrees and
her stone cold face
her rock solid wall
begins to open
her light from within
begins to shine
and I can see
the sparkle in her
EYES
oh dear god
I have a class to teach
we are 15 minutes
into class
on the second day
and my heart is racing
blood is pumping
through my body
so quickly that
my body is shaking
EYE wanna cry
EYE wanna scream
EYE wanna hug
EYE wanna help
EYE wanna hope
EYE can make
a difference
the bell rings
the students leave
I have a 40 minute
free period
and a gazillion loose ends
to tie up on a Friday
I walk
out the door
down the hall
straight to the
school counselor
chanting
with every step
don't cry
don't cry
be brave
be brave
this is not
about you
this is not
about you
I get to her office
I knock on the door
she says, you look like
your gonna cry?!
I take one step
through the door
bend over
put my hands in my face
and fall apart
poor woman has no clue
I just got
a glimpse
Heart broken tonight, reading this. Life is so not fair for our little people. They don't know what is coming. I want to curl up in a ball and cry when I think about it. I am proud of you for making it through the class, down the hall, and in the door before crying. Good gracious! This story just makes me so sad. I wanna go hug the girl... Wish I could speak the word and make the bullies go away.
ReplyDeleteI am glad she met you. You are her knight in shining armor. She will always remember you, because you cared, actually cared. So even though this all sucks, you are a light in this girl's world because you do care enough for it to hurt. (((hugs)))
Ok, where to start....
ReplyDeleteThis post is heartbreaking, but also a uplifting to me. As an epi-imom (your nickname for me works so well), everyday I send my kids out the door, I'm fearful for all the things they will encounter. They have to fight against so much more. Every single day, I send them off to school and worry less about school violence than I do about them surviving (literally) the school day without teasing. KUDOS to you for making it through the entire class, down the hall and into the office before breaking down. (((huhgs)))
What I find uplifting is that there are great teachers like you. Thank you for reading the 504s and IEPs. Thank you for reaching out to that girl and showing her there is a world of caring people and not just mean kids. Thank you for caring enough to be a champion for this little girl. If my kids are lucky enough, they will meet an educator, like you, who will be their champion too!
Ok, so I have been thinking a lot about this post.
ReplyDeleteVery thought provoking.
First, I agree with Missy & Heather that you are AWESOME! You are making it ok, which is making it ok for her mommy. So, you are helping an imom who didn't even realize she was an imom.
That is the kind of power you have with your awesomeness :)
I think we almost have a bit of an advantage over non moms when it comes to worrying about our kids/feeling their pain/hearts breaking for their hurt feelings. We know at the very beginning to start worrying, which makes it difficult for us, but we are more prepared I think. I know the first time a kid laughed at Anderson he was 15 months old and I cried the entire way home. I tear up just thinking about it. The good news is that he wasn't old enough to know and my tears were oblivious to him. By the time he is really old enough to understand, my heart will be strong enough to not let him see me cry and I will actually know the right things to say to him and, here's the catch, I WILL actually believe what I say because I will have spent so long on our journey that I will know we are ok.
Does any of this make sense?
I know it will still hurt our kids, but stories like this are just reminders of how we have to get together so they can realize there really are a select few (sort of like superheroes) and they are the cool ones.
I don't know what else to say, but this seems pretty long, so I will leave it here.
props to you for actually reading all of the paperwork! We need more educators like you!
Ugh. How so very sad. For you, for the little girl and for our little patching pros. I think I just live in denial that it isn't going to happen to my little girl, when deep down I know she will face people who are unkind.
ReplyDeleteIt must have been the week for crying at school - I had a breakdown on Thursday. I actually had a student (in his defense he is special ed - but he knows better) actually say to me that he wonders why they let blind people live since their lives must be so awful. And I made it to the principal's office before I cried.
And the next day - we had a great conversation about our words and how we never know what other people are going through and how our version of "enjoying life" is probably different from others. Doesn't make it bad or less meaningful, just different.
And thank you for reading the IEP's and 504's. We Sped teachers spend a long time writing them. :) It is nice to know some teachers want to implement the modifications.
And I will admit, I have already thought about what will probably need to be in my girls' 504 (I am believing that her vision will be strong enough that she won't qualify for an IEP!).
I wish we taught at the same school so we could cry together.