Rollercoaster

Rollercoasters
I suppose anyone
could relate
their life
to a rollercoaster
I mean really
we all have
ups and downs
unexpected
twists and turns
thrills and shrills

And really
for the most part
rollercoasters
are FUN
a little bit of
danger mixed with
a big, giant seatbelt
add a few other
friends along 
for the ride
and hey
throw your arms
in the air
and let loose!

I remember
as a kid
wanting to be
old enough
tall enough
to ride them
waiting for
my time
my turn
and loving
every part of it
the hot day
the long line
the many sounds
the sticky seat
the anticipation
the ride itself
and the RELIEF
of living through it
all of it
it felt like an
accomplishment.

But then
I got older
and rode them
less often
found them to be
more nauseating
than rewarding
and now
here I am
stuck on one
a rollercoaster
that I know
I won't get off
for quite
sometime.

The rollercoaster

of Easton's Eye

more specifically

of managing 

Easton's contact.

 

I can't even tell you

how many different

ways I was going 

to write this post

a post that has been

brewing...

if I ran to my blog

everytime

there's contact drama

with either bad

or even good reports

I'd be one 

busy blogger.

I want to say

I've changed

I want to say

I've had a moment

of clarity
of acceptance
of peace
on my rollercoaster
but then
the ride changes
and the moment
passes
and old emotions
resurface.

Here's just one
week with
the contact...
Easton wakes
I swaddle and sing
he now sings along
we get the contact
in his Eye
together
yes, somehow
it's finally
working
not necessarily
easy
but tolerable
for both parties
involved
he and I.

Life would be
grand
if the story ended
here
Ha, if only!
so we move on
to breakfast
and patch time
eventually
it's play time
and then I'm
officially on duty
the never ending job
of keeping track
of his contact
where is he
where is the contact

So yeah... this week
well all was great
great day
nice enough
for no socks
I say this because
my big toe stepped
on something crunchy
went to pick up
the crumb
so I thought 
it was his contact!
RELIEF
it's still intact
huh... just one more
crazy story
to add to the already
mile long list.

Another day
again great day
kids laughing
kids playing
toys flying
imagine a big
but fun tornado
and I look down
to see a shinny
lil something
on the tip of a toy
look closer

 

yup, it's the contact
again
RELIEF
it's still intact
huh... just one more
crazy story
to add to the already
mile long list.

Here is when I think
I might do a post
on for all the times
we lose a contact
there really are
that many more times
when we lose
BUT find the contact.
Clarity
Graditude
Peace

Another day
again great day
kids playing
kids napping
kids back up
Easton no contact?!
check crib
this is normal
don't find it
shake blanket
check clothes
under crib
around crib
No contact
start questioning
when I saw it last
start looking
everywhere
No contact
Daddy home
Daddy looks
Daddy usually finds
but still
No contact

Bum
Big Fat Bum
No clarity
No graditude
No peace
Hello old emotions
anger
frustration
sadness
more money gone
everytime
why?!
Am I not used to
this rollercoaster
we have a backup
we will get more
backups
we have been here
before
we will be here
again...

One day later
Easton wearing
brand new contact
Daddy can't resist
Daddy goes back
looks again
Daddy finds it
right under his crib
in the same place
we both already
looked
a thousand times over
WTF
pardon my language
but really... WTF.

Of course
it's easy to say
if only
if only our life
didn't have an Eye
or a contact
or a patch
or eye drops
or Dr. apt.'s
which all added
together
create one hell of a
rollercoaster ride
that we would not
have to be on.

But we do
and with that
we have one
really amazing
little boy
who is worth
every single
up and down
twist and turn
thrill and shrill
and I know
for sure
that at the end
of this
rollercoaster
I just may be
nauseous
but it will be
the most rewarding
accomplishment!

See the Distance

More Moments

What creates
a moment?

Of course dogs stop to smell the flowers!

What defines
a moment?
What makes it
magical

My street is lined and canopied with these blossoming trees.

memorable

And when the wind blows it looks and feels like Spring snow.

or even
miserable?

Life is made
of moments

Our Tree in early Spring, a view we had yet to see.

moments
that seem to
pass by
too quickly
and sometimes
ohhh so slowly.

But how
and why
do you remember
only some
a select few
of these
moments?!

Ring around the Rosie...

Obviously
a camera
can capture
a moment

Look out she is going in for... the patch.

stuck forever
that one moment

in time
in life
but some moments
are remembered
through experience
through touch
through taste
through smell
through sound
through sight
and a camera
well it either
one, is not ready
or there
to capture it
or two, just simply
wouldn't do
the moment
any justice.

Some moments
are purposely
created
and purposely
remembered

but others
other moments
take no effort
they just happen
and ready or not
the moment
comes
and then

goes
sometimes seared
right into
every fiber
every inch
of your memory.

There are many
moments
in a lifetime
my lifetime
some I am
looking forward to

Patiently waiting for the Azalea bush to blossom... although it truly already has!

some I charish

and some
I could say
I would love
to forget
but really
all the moments
make me
me

they form
my perspective
one that sees
understands
that the only real
moment
the most important
moment
is the one
I am living
right
NOW.

Art is Love

So my Mom

keeps everything

it's funny cuz

if I ask 

if she

remembers

a moment

it's usually not

but if I ask

if she 

has a tangible 

piece of 

a moment

it's likely so.

Soooo

when I asked

if she 

had any

used crayons

of course

she did

she had mine

my childhood

crayons.

A fairly large

plastic bag 

of really old

used up crayons

she peeled 

the wrappers off

for me 

knowing

I was going to 

melt them into

new ones

for the kids.

As I sat there

sorting colors

touching moments

trying to 

remember

I did

of all the times

moments

many crayons

in my lifetime

I remembered

these

the short

the fat

the thick

the oily ones

the ones that were

wrapped in

a black wrapper

labeled simply

crayon

they fit snugly

into a black

art case 

I used to carry 

everywhere

and draw.

I was maybe 8

I would lay out

this portable studio

many times

next to a blank

bright white

fresh sheet of paper

pop out one

of the cool

"crayons"

from the case

and make 

the darkest

the smoothest

the richest

colored 

works of art

I remember.

And now 

here I am

here they are

my crayons

laying on

a white sheet

of paper

that my girl

 

just the other day

had drawn on

my crayons

and 

her signature

scribble with circle

that in this moment

looks like

pure love

how fitting

that the fate

of these crayons

my crayons

is to be 

melted into 

love

 

and used 

to create

even more

love.

And that is
exactly
what it is
about
love
creating moments
keeping memories
doing things
that we
love
with the people
for the people
that we
love.

Even if
when
not everyone
wants to do
all that you
love

I told you the girl could hold the crayon for real!

you find

other things

memories

moments
in life
that you
love.

Look who can do somersaults, my boy!

And you 

embrace

all that

you are 

given

with love.

I love Art.

I love the materials.

I love the creativity.

I love the possibility.

The purple blur near his shoulder is her flinging the play-doh!

I love the process.

I love the product.

I love the potential.

I love the mess.

I love the clean up.

 

I love the mistakes.

I love the moments.

For me

Art has 

always been

life

my life

and once my life

changed

I had to find

a new way

to let the Art

back in

but really 

it's always been there

because now

I see

for me

Art is Love.

his glasses

This kid 

only knows

this life

his life

life with 

his Eye.

What is a pair
of glasses
his glasses
when from
day one
he's had
a contact
and
a patch.

So far
patching
hasn't been
the problem
I don't think
he minds
seeing out of
his Eye.

After the trauma
I mean drama
of putting on
the contact
in the morning
it's then wearing
the sticky
the itchy
patch on his face
that he hates
putting it on
feeling it on.

For the most part
he will leave it
alone
from 8 am
till 4:30 pm
all day long
he rocks
the patch
sometimes
after his nap
he will need
a new patch
because when
he's tired
he rubs his eyes
and rubs the corner
of the patch off
or even the contact out
but he does not
continue to
remove the patch
even if it's half
stuck to his face...
yet.

However
you better believe
when I say

"Easton, you want
your patch off?"

no matter what
he will drop
everything
to come sit
on my lap
while I slowly
gently peal
a large oval sticker
off my son's eye
no whining
no wincing
rock solid.

Of course
Sister is right there

  

watching
waiting
she wants it
the patch
she will either
put it on
play with it
or
try to stick it
on our
Patch Place
just a fun little
work of art
we make
together
each month
and then stick
used patches
all over it
when we remember

other wise
the patches are
in the garbage
on my jeans
in my jean pocket
in my coat pocket
stuck to the counter
stuck to the frig
stuck to inside the dryer
you name it
a used patch
is there.
 
Ok back to Easton
patch freshly off
he will sit
for just a moment
let his eyes
readjust
allow his brain
to use
the other eye
and then
off he goes
but only for
a moment
because next
come
his glasses. 

So yeah
his glasses
I've been meaning
to reflect on
his glasses
the kid can rock
a pair of glasses
with the best of em
when he wants to
when he's busy.

But you know what
his glasses
are on
his face too
just like
the patch
they might not be
sticky
but I do think
sometimes
they are
itchy
especially
behind his ears

sometimes they
smush down
into his nose
sometimes they
bump over
to one side
of his nose
sometimes they
get stuck on
his shirt
getting dressed
my shirt
giving a hug
a blanket
when playing monster
sometimes they
smash into
his face
when he falls
or presses against
a window
a wall.

Let's face it
he's a kid
he's a boy
he is not
mindful of
his glasses
or sometimes
actually he is
and he just flat out
wants to look
wants to examine
wants to play
with
his glasses.

I don't usually
leave em on
in the car
you can imagine
pretzel doesn't quite
describe the shape.
I'd prefer not to
leave em on
when he's eating
but I do
you can imagine
yogurt on glass
now that you
most definitely can
see through!

This cloth

any cloth
I've relaxed
in my days
whatever works
in the moment.

And then
there are days
when he just
doesn't wanna

he will look down
he will run away
he will push his face
into anything
but the frames
I will get them on
he will take them off
and this
this war
with
his glasses
I will not fight.

I pick and choose
my battles
I will fight
and usually win
with the contact
I will fight
and always win
with the patch
I will fight
and I will win
with his Eye
I will see the distance
to restore
his vision.

But the glasses
his glasses
for the good eye
to have better vision
I confess
I choose
to encourage
not fight
that battle
although
most of the time
he chooses
and wins

yes, by that
I mean
he will wear them.

The following pics
are just cute
cuz she's cute

I mean... really
cute

and smart

and look who's
watching now.

I really LOVE
the brown frames
I wanted them
all along
they were on
back order
but the blue

 

they were 

his first pair

his glasses.

Sweet Surprises

2:30 am

last night

he cries out

hoping he just 

needs to shift and

settle back down

he didn't

sleepy eyed and stumbling 

I wander into

their room

he's wet

soaked through

everything

so in the dark

I fumble through drawers

peel off wet clothes

change his diaper

re-dress him and

somewhere in the middle

of it all

he starts

blowing kisses

literally smacking his lips

blowing into the night air

I can't help but to

laugh and smile

and then he laughs

a sleepy snugly lil laugh

suddenly I realize

he is dry and warm

and happy

I lean into his face

and smell his sweet cheeks

kiss kiss and kiss 

him good night

whisper lots of love

in his ear

I didn't want to leave

he had just given me

a gift 

at 2:30 am 

his love

I crawled back to bed

hoping to hear him

so I could go back in

the next thing I know

the sun is kissing

my face

good morning.

Sweet Surprises
that is what Easter
was full of
this year.

This girl

knows excitement
she loved Easter
she loved the basket
she loved the gifts
she loved the family
and she showed it
she said "Hiiiiiii-gh"
first time
no prompts
just someone or
something new
smiling face
sparkling eyes
sometimes hand in the air
Hiiiiii-gh!

and another
Sweet Surprise
my favorite blog
has giveaways to
one lucky commenter
out of over 500 comments
guess who was the lucky
comment #13?!
ME!!!
and guess what
the Easter Bunny
brought me
her newly released book
based of course
from her blog.

Grandma and Grandpa's
arrival brought
lots of smiles and more
Sweet Surprises.

It was no surprise
when we finally
got dressed and ready
to take our annual
Easter photos
and these were
my best shots

Of all the
Sweet Smiles
I manage to capture
I never manage to get
two smiles in one
moment
oh but when I do
it will be a
Sweet Surprise!

This year at
Nannu and Nanne's
we got to join in
on the annual
Easter Egg hunt.

So fun!

So Sweet!

What a crew!
My sister and I
had to laugh
when we realized
4 of these kids
came from only
2 pregnancies!!!

Gotta love it!

Talk about
Sweet Surprises
my sister also
baked a bouquet
of cupcakes!

Yet another
Sweet Surprise
his new brown frames
look awesome!

Hey this yellow chair
is super cute
let's try to get a cute pic
of both of them...
uuhhh, maybe next time

as he launches himself
out of the chair
I think ok fine
cute pic of her...
no, not really
she just wanted to
climb out too.

That's ok
I'm cool with it
I like Surprises
I'll be patient
because when it
finally does come
my way
it's so very
Sweet!