Rollercoaster

Rollercoasters
I suppose anyone
could relate
their life
to a rollercoaster
I mean really
we all have
ups and downs
unexpected
twists and turns
thrills and shrills

And really
for the most part
rollercoasters
are FUN
a little bit of
danger mixed with
a big, giant seatbelt
add a few other
friends along 
for the ride
and hey
throw your arms
in the air
and let loose!

I remember
as a kid
wanting to be
old enough
tall enough
to ride them
waiting for
my time
my turn
and loving
every part of it
the hot day
the long line
the many sounds
the sticky seat
the anticipation
the ride itself
and the RELIEF
of living through it
all of it
it felt like an
accomplishment.

But then
I got older
and rode them
less often
found them to be
more nauseating
than rewarding
and now
here I am
stuck on one
a rollercoaster
that I know
I won't get off
for quite
sometime.

The rollercoaster

of Easton's Eye

more specifically

of managing 

Easton's contact.

 

I can't even tell you

how many different

ways I was going 

to write this post

a post that has been

brewing...

if I ran to my blog

everytime

there's contact drama

with either bad

or even good reports

I'd be one 

busy blogger.

I want to say

I've changed

I want to say

I've had a moment

of clarity
of acceptance
of peace
on my rollercoaster
but then
the ride changes
and the moment
passes
and old emotions
resurface.

Here's just one
week with
the contact...
Easton wakes
I swaddle and sing
he now sings along
we get the contact
in his Eye
together
yes, somehow
it's finally
working
not necessarily
easy
but tolerable
for both parties
involved
he and I.

Life would be
grand
if the story ended
here
Ha, if only!
so we move on
to breakfast
and patch time
eventually
it's play time
and then I'm
officially on duty
the never ending job
of keeping track
of his contact
where is he
where is the contact

So yeah... this week
well all was great
great day
nice enough
for no socks
I say this because
my big toe stepped
on something crunchy
went to pick up
the crumb
so I thought 
it was his contact!
RELIEF
it's still intact
huh... just one more
crazy story
to add to the already
mile long list.

Another day
again great day
kids laughing
kids playing
toys flying
imagine a big
but fun tornado
and I look down
to see a shinny
lil something
on the tip of a toy
look closer

 

yup, it's the contact
again
RELIEF
it's still intact
huh... just one more
crazy story
to add to the already
mile long list.

Here is when I think
I might do a post
on for all the times
we lose a contact
there really are
that many more times
when we lose
BUT find the contact.
Clarity
Graditude
Peace

Another day
again great day
kids playing
kids napping
kids back up
Easton no contact?!
check crib
this is normal
don't find it
shake blanket
check clothes
under crib
around crib
No contact
start questioning
when I saw it last
start looking
everywhere
No contact
Daddy home
Daddy looks
Daddy usually finds
but still
No contact

Bum
Big Fat Bum
No clarity
No graditude
No peace
Hello old emotions
anger
frustration
sadness
more money gone
everytime
why?!
Am I not used to
this rollercoaster
we have a backup
we will get more
backups
we have been here
before
we will be here
again...

One day later
Easton wearing
brand new contact
Daddy can't resist
Daddy goes back
looks again
Daddy finds it
right under his crib
in the same place
we both already
looked
a thousand times over
WTF
pardon my language
but really... WTF.

Of course
it's easy to say
if only
if only our life
didn't have an Eye
or a contact
or a patch
or eye drops
or Dr. apt.'s
which all added
together
create one hell of a
rollercoaster ride
that we would not
have to be on.

But we do
and with that
we have one
really amazing
little boy
who is worth
every single
up and down
twist and turn
thrill and shrill
and I know
for sure
that at the end
of this
rollercoaster
I just may be
nauseous
but it will be
the most rewarding
accomplishment!

See the Distance