Smiles

November

leaves us 

with more 

of what I like best

Smiles!

Seems she has

taken a break

from concentrating

on the serious stuff

and has made 

more time for

laughing 

pointing

and

smiling!

On the other hand
he is still just
his silly self
climbing
on everything
and currently
hanging
on Daddy.

Trying to get
one, one year old
to sit and smile
is a task
add another
and a dog...
this is what we got.
Thanksgiving 2011

Flashback
Thanksgiving 2010

Believe it or not
this was actually
our first
family photo!
We certainly
had come a long way
to get to
that point...
and we certainly
have come a long way
to get to
today.
Yay for Thanksgiving!

I found more
Smiles
when the tunnel
accidentally didn't
open all the way
which created
a U-shaped tunnel.
They loved it!

How can you
not zoom in
on that sweet
smiling
lil face?!

This one
makes me laugh
cuz it looks
like Pac-Man
is about to
eat her up.

The only thing missing
from these pics
are the
shreeks
shrills
screams
and
giggles
that fill our home
with laughter
and love.
To hear them
play like this
is like
Christmas morning
every time.

This next one
makes my heart
melt.
Its the moments
that they share
together
when they are playing
but then get so close
to one another
that they can't help
but to really
notice
each other.
sometimes they just smile and stare
sometimes they reach for each others face
sometimes they bonk heads
and someone cries
sometimes they head butt
on purpose, their version of a hug
and
sometimes they kiss
So sweet.

And lastly
what is
Thanksgiving
or the end of
November
without
the beginning of
Christmas!
So along with
a very toned down
toddler friendly
version of our
annual Christmas decorations

Yes, I decorated
the bottom of our tree
with any and all
hanging type
kid's toy!

We officially have
our first
family
holiday themed
artwork.
Craft time lasted
all of five minuets
fast
furious
and
festive!

Its hanging in our
kitchen area.
Today I added
a present
(aka patch)
under the tree.
Dare I continue
adding "presents"
under the tree
till Christmas,
we might fill
the entire paper!

But I love it!
Easton colored with blue.
Dark, big, quick
and on to eating
the crayon that is.
Azalea colored with red.
Right where Mommy
colored red
she colored very
very lightly
lots and lots
of lines
So delicate
So deliberate

They are

night and day

in every way

but 

they are MY

night and day

I wouldn't have it

any other way!

They compliment

They complete

They are all

Smiles.

Feeling Full

Ok, I have to 

confess.

I was having 

a tough time

thinking of how 

to post about 

Thanksgiving,

the holiday of

graditude.

Lately, the Eye

has been rough

and that is

putting it mildly.

Contact time 

in the morning

has left 

my husband and I

dragging our feet

to get out of bed

knowing the battle

that lies ahead of us.

I can only imagine

what my lil big man

thinks about 

contact time 

if this is 

how we feel.

And that is 

what truly 

breaks my heart.

But then

we have days

like today

when I literally

was praying 

out loud...

oh baby boy

you are so brave

I am doing this

for you

you deserve this

I know it's hard

but 

you will see

you will see

in the end

how much 

I truly love you

and do this 

for you

be strong

be still

and 

you will see.

And Azalea 

my sweet baby girl

is watching

and listening

to the entire 

process.

Most days she is

such a trooper

so patient 

so supportive

so empathetic

I speak to her too...

it's ok baby girl

you are such a 

good lil sister

big smiles 

be happy.

Don't blink 

because

before I finished

my last prayer

DONE

contact on!

No rubbing

No poking

No fixing

No do overs

No crying

No resisting

No kicking

No screaming

No calming

No re-swaddling

DONE

1 2 3

DONE

And then I 

exhale

and the graditude

floods in

and then it hits me

I know this is hard

I know tomorrow 

will be different

But today

this moment

right now

I feel it

I am sooooo

incredibly

GRATEFUL

Not just for all

the things 

that we know

we should 

be grateful for

But for all 

the things 

that are 

hard

that make us

better

that show us

what really

matters.

I am grateful
for the hard days
because
they make
the good days
feel soooooo
incredibly
GOOD.
May God Bless
all my blog readers
whoever you are
be grateful.
I pray that you
literally get to
feel
graditude.
It rivals
love
literally.
It will make
you feel
way more full
than that
turkey dinner
ever will.
Trust me.

Happy Thanksgiving!

a patch is a patch

Maybe its because
I ordered new kinds
of patches
and they are in.

Old kind, Nexcare on top... Ortopad then Krafty Patches, shows the size difference.

Options, I like options.

But I've noticed
unsettled feelings
over the patch
have crept back in.

So I did
a simple search
on the word
patch...

verb. 
mend or strengthen 
(fabric or an item of clothing) 
by putting a piece of material 
over a hole 
or weak point in it.

ok, I like
the verb.
He patches.
He strengthens.

go on...

noun. 
a piece of cloth 
or other material 
used to mend or strengthen 
a torn or weak point. 

yeah, other material
you could say that
but the weak point part
huh... His patch
is over the
strong point.

a tiny piece of black silk 

or court plaster 

worn on the face or neck 

especially by women 

to hide a blemish 

or to heighten beauty 

interesting...

heighten beauty 

ummm ok
He does make a patch
look pretty darn cute!
But in what century 

were these patches worn?!
Where patches 
the primitive form of
make-up?

a piece of material 

(as adhesive plaster) 

used medically 

usually to cover a wound 

usually disk-shaped piece of material 

that is worn on the skin 

and contains a substance 

(as a drug) 

that is absorbed at a constant rate 

through the skin 

into the bloodstream  

<a nicotine patch>  

adhesive

medical 

disk-shaped

skin... got it.

drug 

absorbed 

bloodstream... no.

only unless

the drug is 

vision

or confidence

It would be great

if he would 

absorb that.

a shield worn over 

the socket of an 

injured or missing eye 

nope, the Eye

IS in there

healthy too!

not injured

not missing

a small piece 

I think I like

this one the best

small piece

yes, the patch

is only a 

small piece 

of who he is.

 
a part or area 

distinct 

from that about it 

<cabbage patch> 

well yes

the eye patch 

is a distinct part

of his face.

 
a period of time 

<was going through a rough patch>

Ha, this one makes

me laugh...

yes this is just

a period of time

and yes 

it is definitely 

rough!
How did they know?!

someone or something 

equal or comparable 

usually used in negative constructions  

<the new chairman isn't a patch on his predecessor>

He is someone

He is definitely equal

But he is 

positively

the best

just the way

he is

patch and all.

 

a piece of cloth 

sewed on a garment 

as an ornament or insignia

Well, the patch

could become

his insignia?

It depends on the day

whether it's

ornamental or not.

a temporary connection 

in a communication system 

(as a telephone hookup) 

temporary yes

communication system sure

his face

his vision

let's hope 

the connection 

is made

a minor correction 

or modification 

in a computer program

the last one
so true

minor correction

only in his brain

after all

that is really 

why 
He patches, verb.

He wears a patch, noun.
We're talkin 

brain here!

I'm 31

Mom email me 
this 
yesterday...

Great Courage

You have great courage. Use it.

Whenever you feel fear, 

you are also feeling your potential for courage. 

Go ahead, feel the fear, 

and then let that courage of yours spring to life.

The fact that you can feel the fear 

means you also have the courage to get beyond it. 

Otherwise, the fear would serve no useful purpose.

Put that fear to good use 

by allowing it to ignite your courage. 

Put that courage to good use 

by utilizing it to move toward positive, meaningful objectives.

Feel the fear and know it means you have the courage. 

Learn from that fear and then 

step forward with all that courage.

The beginning of courage feels like fear. 

Follow through on that feeling, 

let the courage come, 

and with it you will achieve great things.

— Ralph Marston

Her thoughts were with
Easton and taking care of
his Eye.

Makes sense.
I love you Mom.

I think this message
can apply to any situation
and wanted to share.

For me, its interesting
that it appeared
the day before
my 31st Birthday.
Not that my birthday
scares me,
but the concept
of getting older
kinda does.

Entering my 30's
not anymore
31 officially means
I have arrived.
Motherhood
comes to mind.
Scary!
Do I feel 31?
Do I feel
like a mother?
Sometimes.


Certainly my youth
is over.
Teenage years
gone.
Crazy 20's
are behind me.
But in my mind
my heart
my soul
I still feel
well... young.

Sometimes even
in a clueless
I have no idea
what I'm doing
kinda way.

So when I see
this message on
fear and how
it creates
great courage.

I guess that is what
this next decade
is going to be about
Embracing
getting older
Embracing
motherhood

Embracing
my fears
Finding the strength
to push through.

I like the sound of
Courageous

I can do this
I am doing this
I'm 31.

Tree for Life

I remember when

this tree

was lush and green.

It's shadow

was so dark and dense

you would have thought

a cement wall 

was protecting you.

  

Then cool air came in
color too.
Sitting under it
was now like
sitting under a
cracked pinata,
little treats were littered
all around like treasures
waiting to be found.

Then the shadow changed
it was more of
a colorful crunchy blanket.
The saying,
"the apple doesn't fall
too far from the tree"
became clear to me
leaves don't either.

Now there is little left
exposed and bare
yet still so full
of life
of memories.
Every time we go
I wonder
is this the last time.

But really
the answer is no.

I have a vision
of the kids
all bundled up
and me pulling them
in a little sled
over the river
and through the woods.

Who knows
what winter will bring.
And soon
it will be spring.


I think this tree
will just be
with us
we'll wait and see.

So for now
we will take
any slightly good day
and go for a visit,
find a few treasures


push a little more
a little further
a little higher

grow and gain
insight
vision
wisdom

and when it comes
time to say
good bye
we might shed a few
tears




as it has shed
it's leaves
it's spirit
it's soul
unto us.

Six Weeks

She's a princess, even when crowned with a crib sheet!

It just dawned on me
I havn't woke up
and taken a shower
in over a year!
I mean,
I've taken a shower.  ;)
But only after
the kids are napping
or sleeping.

He. loves. laundry.

My mornings
consist of
diaper changes
contact insertion
breakfast n bottles
coffee n playtime
get the kids dressed
and after all that
the morning is over.
No where in there
is a morning shower.

They think they are so free with no clothes on!

I like morning showers.
I miss morning showers.
But I also
LOVE my kids!
They have now
officially
been under our roof
and care
for one year.

Ok so I staged this... but still, it's cute!

Seems crazy
to think that
since their birthday
all the way
to today
(a year ago)
that we were all
finally
together again.

Look carefully they make the shape of a heart, so sweet!

Six weeks
to be exact.
Is that a long time
a short time
I guess it depends.
Technically
they were home
by their due date
Nov. 9th.

A year ago this brought her home, now it's just a toy.

But to live
six weeks
a year ago
and then realize
six weeks
today,
it just gives
October
a whole new
dimension.

October
was such a blur
last year,
literally it was
the blur
of watching
Fall unfold
behind the window
of a car
driving
everyday
to the NICU.

You would never know this kid is wearing a patch.

This year
October
was amazing.
The kids just
seemed to blossom
more and more
everyday
something new
like watching
each brightly colored leaf
fall from a tree
one by one
day by day.

She finally figured it out... bat hits the ball.

To think it was
the same amount
of time
six weeks
but it feels like a
world of difference!

Happy 25th Birthday

Jonathan Verity

your Family and Friends

love and miss you

everyday.

I still believe

you brought

my family 

home.

FIVE

Ok so
I am trying
really hard
not to be
over dramatic
but
FIVE.
Seriously.

We have all
lost
an eyelash.
Yes, I know.
And most of the time
we don't even
notice
or think twice
about it.

Maybe I am
being
over sensitive.
He got a
skin sore
yesterday.
The kind where
when you take
the patch
off
the glue
takes his skin
with it.
About the size
of a breadcrumb
but still
sometimes it bleeds
sometimes it stays red.
Then the next day
I have to put
the sticky patch
right back over
the sore.  :(
Yes, the milky stuff
is on there too.

But the eyelashes...
Sighhhhh
Cringe
Wince
It felt like
being punched
in the stomach
FIVE times.

He was rubbing
the patch,
it started to come
off
so I grabbed
another
took the old off
put on the new
all in less than
five seconds.
He started
to cry.
I started
to feel sick.
Was he crying
because of
the patch
or because of the
FIVE eyelashes
just ripped off
his eyelid?!

I distracted him.
The moment is
gone.
But my heart
still aches.
I.
hate.
patching.

It's just
not right.
I can't
describe
exactly how
patching makes
a mother feel.
It's
just
not
right.

I know
what I am doing
is not wrong.
He needs
to patch.
It is working.
But FIVE.

Five sweet little
eyelashes...
I am making
five wishes
right now
for HIM.

Home

Ahhh November.

What is it 

about November

that is so

quiet

calm

like the coming of

Home.

My birthday month.

The grateful month.

The beginning of 

the end.

The last of Fall.

November.

I've learned
quite quickly
that the only
constant
in this parenting
journey
is change.
Just when
you think
you can
expect
anticipate
predict...
it's gone.

Something new
takes place.
It's exciting
It's challenging
It's comforting

Everyday
these growing bodies
do something new
little by little
and then
one day
you notice.

Sometimes
It's sad.
We used to go to
the tree.
It would be
sunny and hot.
They were
smaller,
just gaining
their balance
their strength
their courage
to move
to crawl
off the blanket
away from
their Momma
into the world.

Now
the days
are colder.
They are
bigger
braver
stronger
smarter.
They go
together.
Head down
laughing hysterically
feet moving feverishly
bodies pushing
out
into
the world.

Sometimes
they still need
their Momma.

Sometimes
they still
look back.

Sometimes
they still
sit
with me.
The Love.
The love brings em
back.
They know it
They feel it
Home.

I am home.

The tree is home.

November is home.

We are headed home.