Happiest Halloween

How much fun
is it to relive
all your favorite
childhood memories
all over again?!

Only this time
I get to create
the memories
instead of
live through them.
Carving pumpkins
was a riot!
They loved it.
They loved everything
about it.

the sight
the sound
the smell
the guts
the seeds
the excitement
and of course
the mess

Mommy and Daddy
got to celebrate
Halloween as well.
I channeled my
inner GaGa
and it landed me
Coolest Costume
at our party!
I am sure
if the little monsters
had come with us,
they would have
stole the show.
They are definitely
the Coolest
and the Cutest
to me!

They have even
managed to master
walking
this past
Halloween week.
What a great trick
instead of treat
for Mommy!

All frogs do that
with their lips,
don't they?!

Time for a costume
change...
gotta love it!

 

We are looking forward

to a family Halloween walk

through the neighborhood

tonight!

So fun!
Pure fun
to see them
enjoying
family
traditions
Fall
October
and now
Halloween.

This has been
the absolute
Happiest Halloween
ever!

Just do it!

As a mom 

of TWINS

there have been 

so many times

when I hesitate

simply because 

there are TWO!

But at the same time

when someone asks,

WOW twins...

how do you do it?!

My reply is 

I just do!

I have to

I have no 

other choice.

There are many things

I feel 

I would have done

with just one...

just yesterday

a year ago

I took home 

just one.

Easton John 

came into our home

alone.

And you know 

as much as 

I LOVED

having him home,

we were not 

complete.

So all the things

that could have

that would have

that might have

happened

if there was

just one...

mean nothing to me

because we

have been blessed

with TWO.

And so today

we had

Twice as much fun

Twice as much mess

and

Twice as much artwork!!!

because Mommy 

decided to

Just do it!

Let me just say

I have been 

thinking 

plotting

planning

wanting

to do anything 

fun and creative 

with them.

So with nothing but

time to kill

I threw em in

the pack n play

while I ran around

like a mad woman

so excited

SO EXCITED

and ready to 

create!

The kitchen

made a perfect studio.

I will never look 

at my kitchen

the same way again.

They were confined,

had to get through me

to go anywhere else.

The counter space

was perfect for 

the artwork,

which was out of the way

of the mini messy monsters.

We were a 

lean 

mean 

printing machine.

one foot

one hand 

one mess 

at a time.

I thought about 

doing it with 

just one...

at a time.

Leave the other 

in the pack n play.

But as soon as

I reached for 

just one

it did NOT feel right.

Sooo out came 

the BOTH of them

we all

just did it!

Clean up 

was probably 

their favorite.

I let em 

just play 

with the water

while I washed 

and dried

tried to anyway.

They were soaking wet

but clean!

I too was soaking wet

but NOT clean!

I will do this

AGAIN!

I had a blast.

I felt a rush.

The rush of 

production.

The rush of 

creativity.

The rush of 

just doing it!

Sometimes,

I do wish 

I had about 

3 more arms.

If 

I did

I would have 

way more pictures.

That is the only thing

I wanted to do

differently.

But that's ok.

I got what I got.

And if anything

I got artwork!

I got memories!

and 

I got confidence!

I can

just do it!

By the way,

this girl...

LOVED it!

Easton had fun,

don't get me wrong.

We all had fun.

But she

was so into it!!!

She did not 

want to wait 

for her turn.

And she did not 

want to stop.

I am encouraging
everyone
to just do it!
Whatever IT is...
just do it!

New Tradition

This past weekend
we were able
to have some
family fun
and start a
New Tradition,
Picking out PUNKINS!

It was a beautiful
perfect Fall day.
I think the kids
simply enjoyed
being outside,
considering it has
been raining non-stop.

We people watched.
We played
with the punkins
with the deck
with the grass
in the mud.

Easton was in his glory.
Such a boy,
such fun!

Azalea was all business
as usual.
She had to inspect
investigate
and then finally
approve.

 

Getting pictures of 

the two of them

looking 

and smiling 

is almost impossible

add a million 

new distractions

forget it!

But Daddy and Mommy

look cute.  :)

We had so much fun!

It was easy 

to loose track 

of time,

when you have waited

so long 

for moments like this...

We got our Punkins,

all of em!

some in the cart

some on the cart

some just so darn cute! 

So exciting,

New Traditions!
Makes me
appreciate
all the moments
that much more.

Last Halloween,
he was home


she was not
that's ok.
We've come
a long way.
We are home
now!

So Grateful,
New Traditions!

The Beginning

This was the day
of the beginning
of the eye.
We have officially
hit the one year mark.
Ohhhh only about
nine more years to go.
But hey
one tenth
of the way!

My babies
were still not
home.
In fact, big boy
had to be transfered
via ambulance
to Children's Hospital,
not the hospital where
they were born.
So little girl
was left behind.
Each of them
now alone
as individuals
for the first time.

Mommy and Daddy
were visiting
two babies in
two different hospitals,
daily.
Honestly I don't even
really remember it all.
It was all just
so overwhelming
that I just did
what needed to be done
in each moment.

I remember
little things like
him looking so tiny
at three weeks old.
They wheeled
him away,
So innocent
So ignorant
of what was
about to happen.

I remember
the knot in my stomach
and not crying
but wanting to
really wanting to
but not
because if I did
I was afraid
I wouldn't stop.

I remember
seeing him after
the surgery
knowing it was more,
worse
than what we thought
but still not really knowing
what would become of
the eye.

Funny how
in these moments
you find strength
that you don't even know
you really have.
Moments
taking each moment
as they come.

When we said good night
that night
having to leave
our brave baby boy,
the lights were low
the monitors were beeping
the machines were humming,
I leaned in
and he knew
Mommy was here.
His breathing picked up
his body was warm
he smelled so sweet,
I wanted to pick him up
I wanted to take him away
I wanted it all to
just stop.
But I didn't
I knew I couldn't
I knew it wouldn't,
a NICU mom knows
learns really fast that
tomorrow is a new day
tomorrow is one day closer
to coming home.

I didn't have the heart
to take any photos
that day
that marked
the beginning.
But here are
both
of them
the next day.
As I said good night
yet again
like I had before
and would again.
But knowing
we were one more day
closer to
home.

I know he's got big cheeks, but these one's are still swollen from surgery.

She may not be next to big brother, but she can still sleep in the same position as him... so cute!

On Her Birthday

When raising twins

rare are the moments

when you can enjoy

holding one child

without worrying 

about the other.

Even rarer is the moment

when you can enjoy

holding both children

at the same time.

Add to that

twin toddlers

and the moment

doesn't exist...

until today,

On Her Birthday.

This morning

we played.

So by mid-morning 

we were getting tired.

I scooped em up

and decided to rock

in Her chair

maybe read a book

maybe sing a few songs

hoping to pass some time

till they were rested

and ready for more.

Usually this might last

for 10 min?!

until today,

On Her Birthday.

They were happy 

just rocking

and singing.

We were all humming along

until I was suddenly 

the only one humming.

What is this?!

twin toddlers

sleeping on the same lap

in Her chair.

I drank in the moment

I closed my eyes

I felt their bodies

I listened to the rocking chair

I listened to their breathing

I smelled their hair

I looked around

I looked outside

I noticed the wind

I noticed the fall leaves

and then I remembered,

Her Birthday.

She waited for the news.

It took 3 years to deliver it.

On Easter Sunday,

she opened an egg.

It said, "Guess who's coming to 

Thanksgiving dinner?!"

Then she learned it was TWINS!

She was so happy.

But I'm sure she knew

and in the end I know

she knew.

She would meet them 

from a far.

Last year, today

she had been gone

3 months to the day.

But in their Baby Book

I still wrote 

Happy Birthday,

Grandma.

She held them

today.

I know it.

I felt it.

She was in Her chair

with us

rocking 

just like she used to do.

Holding those 

sweet little ones

looking out the window

enjoying the day,

On Her Birthday.

She may not have made it

to become a 

Great-Grandmother,

but to me 

she will always be a 

Great Grandma.

Happy Birthday Grandma!

Thank you for the gift today.

Thank you for helping me 

hold my sweet little ones

one more time

while they are still little.

I love you,

always.

Life goes on

Does this kid 

look scary to you?!

The only thing 

he has in common

with that ghost on his shirt

is the fact that he loves

towels, blankets

and even buckets 

over his head in an 

on again

off again 

game like fashion!

Add a little 

"Boo"

in there and you might

get an even louder

belly laugh from him.

 

Been wondering

how do you 

follow up your now

most popular post...

with our life

I suppose.

After the rain

when the clouds clear

when the sun comes back out

but the mist is still in the air

a rainbow appears.

And that rainbow 

is the blessing

of our everyday life.

These two little ones

at my feet,

this is probably the only thing

they do 

the same.

They have the whole house

Daddy's watch

while Mommy does her thing

and this is what 

they choose to do.

They don't stop.

So why should I.

You go with 

what you know.

And I know 

how to move on

how to get back up

and keeping living

our life.

Today we played
in our tent
while it rained
for real, outside.
Gonna have to
get creative.
When things change,
life
the weather
whatever
get creative.

Tried something new
this morning,

he hates when I turn
his head in the direction
of contact time.
So I found what else...
a toy giraffe!
and stuck it
to the side of
the changing table.
Yup in the same direction
as contact time.
It took his mind off
it
for a moment
long enough
for him to relax
and me to...
well you know,
the routine
of our life.

Something else new
that we have been
working on,
self feeding.
They are good at
picking up chunks
and feeding that
to themselves.
But the bowl
spoon thing... well
we gotta work on that.

She is so serious
anything new
is all business.
Him
notice it's nothing
but fun,
but Her
look out
she's in the middle
of learning.

Dear Easton

My baby
My boy
I love you
so much
beyond what words
can express.

You are fearless.
You are full.
You are endless.
You are endearing.

You can do this.
There are so many days
when you make it
look easy.

But I know
you know
that there is a
harsh
cold
reality
to the days
that arn't easy.

Every morning
Every moment
starts
and ends
with
the eye.

The eye
that can see
that is covered up
that wears a sticker
that bends your eyelashes down
that irritates
that itches
that rips your skin when removed,
that eye
is precious.

The eye
that can't see
that is pulled open
that is poked
that is rubbed
that is wearing a contact
that is learning
that is growing,
that eye
is seeing.

I am sorry.
I am so sorry.
That you have to
endure.

I am sorry.
I am so sorry.
That nothing about this
is easy.

I am sorry.
I am so sorry.
That your vision
comes with a price.

But Baby.
My sweet
loving
lauging
little boy,
Mommy loves
you.

I love you
so much
that I will do this
for you.

I will continue
to wake up
everyday
and do this
for you.

Balance
Strength
Endurance

Easton,
Mommy is doing
the best she can.
I am trying.
I am sorry, baby.
I love you.

And when we have
bad days
you have to know this,
I do this
because
I love you.

Someday
we will look back
and I pray
all this is worth it.
Because you deserve
a chance
at the very least
you deserve
a chance
to have the best
possible
vision.

I love you.
I am so proud
of you.
Keep seeing the distance baby.
See the Distance.

This day

We've been 

taking advantage

of the beauty
Fall
has to offer.
I remember
last October
they were still
in the NICU.
So everything
that I know
is new to them
feels new again
to me too.

the sights
the sounds
the textures
the traditions

this walk
this day
was perfectly
Fall.

We saw this
rock sculpture
along our way
and I was just
drawn to it.

Balance
Strength
Endurance
come to mind.
It also resembles
an eye.

Interesting,
this perspective.
Eyes have always
symbolized life
to me.
But now that my life
is literally about
an eye,
I see them
differently.
I see everything
differently.

Even leaves,
I see them
differently too.

This one
was falling
gently to the earth
when it landed
right on Azalea's lap.
She noticed it
picked it up
and looked at it
I mean
really looked at it.

It wasn't just
a leaf
it was a message

for her
for me
from above
of love.

There were other
leaves too.
Ones that made
music
and ones that
just didn't want
to let go.

We probably walked
for at least on hour
just enjoying
the morning.
As we made
our way
back home,
someone puttered out
still trying
to get used to
just one nap.

Someone else
was still
ready for more.

After some lunch
a real nap
and dinner
we headed back out
batteries charged.

For Easton
there is crawling
and then there is
turbo speed.
This is
turbo speed.

Little Miss
had some fun
with Momma
and her sweater,
even brother
found the game
fun enough
to crawl over to.

 

The tree always promises

a new adventure

on this day

it was sticks

and standing.
Twins
standing!
How cute is that?!
They both can do it
but not until
this day
did they
stand
together.

Seems like something
so simple, yet
for them
for me
it was
a moment.

The moment.

And with our new
Balance
Strength
and
Endurance
(see, it all
comes back
around again)

We took some
glamor shots
where else...
on the tree,
of course!

 
This day
was perfectly
Fall.