Work... never ends

I feel like such a
blogger bum
(these pics are
over a month old,
Memorial Day weekend
to be exact)
I've been waiting
and waiting
for the moment
when sitting down
doesn't feel like
work
and that moment
hasn't arrived
 
even now
I am typing
on my porch
on summer vacation
with my feet up
with a cold beer
computer on my lap
and the sound
the sound of TWO
over tired toddlers
resisting a nap
needing a nap
through the monitor
 
I have already
enforced nap time
encouraged nap time
three times today
with no success
therefore Momma 
just needs a break
and sitting here now
feels like work
and when I get up
there will be
more work

and after all
that is what this post
is supposed to be about
the end of a school year
the end of work
ha, if it was only
that simple

obviously this year
started off challenging
but it was a new
challenge
and that was somewhat
refreshing
however the end
of this year
strangely
unexpectedly
felt even more
challenging
coming to terms
with the year
with the time
with the moments
missed
 
in some ways
it felt like I
woke up
and didn't know
my own children
anymore
I was sad
I was overwhelmed
I was angry
I felt guilty
for not knowing
their likes
their dislikes
their routines
their daily life

I mean don't get me wrong
we had our mornings
we had our evenings
we had our weekends

hello!!!
I am their MOM
our love
our bond
is unconditional
is ever lasting
and oh so true
but by the end of Spring
they were different
they had changed
they had grown
and well sometimes 
growing can be painful
and Momma needed
time to catch up

there were times
when I made
conscious decisions
to stop
to let go
and be in the moment
to soak in
who they are
now
and that sounds
all well and dandy
but isn't easy to do

the pressure
the anxiety
the fear
the discipline
the work
would creep in
a day would pass
a week would pass
a month would pass
and I would realize
I did nothing
to capture
to savor
to remember
this time
this precious
fleeting time

insert shout out to
Instagram!!!

She
 
she is Momma's girl
or in her accent MawMaw's girl
she is really anyone's girl
she loves people
she loves to talk
she loves all things music
listening, playing, singing, dancing
she loves art
drawing, painting, creating anything
she loves to cuddle
especially in the morning
but really all day long
she loves to eat
any kind of meat
any kind of sugar
she is sensitive, delicate
she is smart
she is persistent to master any skill
she is caring, considerate, polite
she is feisty, sassy
she is small
but she is rock solid
strong


He
 
he is Daddy's boy
he loves his Momma
but he is all boy
and wants to do all things Dad
he is social but shy at first
he will play with others
but also does his own thing
he loves music
but really I think
he just loves any and all noise
he loves to create sounds
he loves to act out sounds
sing and dance, attack his sister
he has an amazing memory
he makes you think
he isn't paying attention
but he IS
he loves to figure out
how things work
therefore he doesn't
have time to eat, ha
he prefers all things carbs
some veggies and sugar
he is easy going
he is physical, always
he is fearless

there are a million
moments stories memories
behind each of these
special traits
special lives
it feels like
they literally were
born this way
and nothing has changed
but it also feels like
so much has changed
the baby the toddler
moments happen
less and less often
and my little
boy and girl
are starting to shine
more and more

I remember
starting this year off
thinking
how are WE
going to get through this
but here we are
we did it
so much of this year
I want to forget
but yet this year
will forever be
unforgetable


 
I am proud
of them
and myself
I am grateful
to have a job
to love what I do
one of my biggest fears
was daycare
and that ended up
being the easiest
smoothest transistion
above all
I wanted them
to still feel loved
everyday all day
and that
that was acheieved
"Tay-Tay" as they say
holds them
near and dear
to her heart
and they know it
they feel it


 
this Summer will bring on
more change
more challenge
more work
I know I know
it doesn't end
a mother's job
never ends

in the middle of
a toddler tantrum
Easton will say
"can you settle me down"
today I was trying
to "settle" him down
hold him
hug him
wipe his tears
pat his back
stand sit walk rock
I was failing
in frustration I asked
what do you need
what do you want me to do
to "settle" you down
in hystarics he replies
"say Bubby it will be ok"

and with that
I realized
he was me
flailing
struggling
working
trying
to hold on
to hope
that it will
be ok
I know this
is true
but sometimes
we all need 
to be reminded

Bubby, it WILL be ok!